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What Aging Has Taught Me About Trusting Myself
We spend so much time talking about finding the right partner, maintaining a marriage, healing after a breakup, or improving communication.
But there is one relationship that outlasts them all:
The relationship with ourselves.
Long after children grow up.
Long after careers change.
Long after relationships begin or end.
We are still there.
How the Relationship Changes With Age
In youth, many of us seek approval. Some of us continue chasing that need well into our adult years.
We want to be liked.
Chosen.
Validated.
Enough.
As we age, something interesting begins to happen.
We stop asking:
“Do they like me?”
And start asking:
“Do I like the life I am creating?”
That shift changes everything.
We Stop Fighting Ourselves
Perhaps one of the greatest gifts of aging is realizing that perfection was never the goal.
We become more forgiving of our mistakes.
We stop replaying every awkward conversation.
We stop trying to earn our worth through productivity.
We begin extending the same compassion to ourselves that we so freely offer others.
We Learn to Trust Ourselves
Confidence isn’t believing that nothing bad will happen.
Confidence is knowing that if it does, you’ll find a way through it.
Every challenge survived becomes evidence.
Every heartbreak.
Every disappointment.
Every reinvention.
The relationship with yourself deepens because you’ve proven that you can be trusted.
You begin to feel something many people spend years searching for:
Pride in who you have become. Not ego, pride.
The Older I Get, the Less Power Anxiety Has
Yesterday I was a guest on a podcast.
Years ago, I definitely would have talked myself out of it and found an excuse to cancel because of my anxiety.
I would have worried about saying the wrong thing, sounding foolish, or not being prepared enough. I might have convinced myself that someone else was more qualified or that I wasn’t quite ready.
But something has changed over the years.
The anxiety still showed up. It knocked on the door just like it always has.
The difference is that I no longer allow it to make my decisions.
Fear may still come along for the ride, but it no longer gets to drive.
Instead of allowing fear to decide for me, I showed up anyway.
And to my surprise, I loved every minute of it. There was zero preparation, all spontaneity, and it was so much fun.
As I reflected afterward, I realized the podcast wasn’t really the story.
The story was the relationship I have built with myself. Don’t get me wrong,
Andrew J. DiMeo, Sr., Ph.D.
was a wonderful host and put me at ease.
I have worked very hard over the last few years to keep the promises I make to myself.
Years of surviving things I once thought would break me.
Years of discovering that confidence isn’t the absence of fear. It is the willingness to move forward despite it.
One of the unexpected gifts of aging is that I have become someone I trust.
Not because I always get things right.
Not because I never feel nervous.
But because I know I can handle discomfort without running from it.
And I love the feeling on the other side. The feeling of accomplishment.
Final Thoughts
Many people dread aging.
I can certainly feel some of its effects physically. We are human.
But emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, I have never felt stronger.
The relationship I have with myself today looks very different than it did twenty years ago. In fact, it looks different than it did five years ago. We get to constantly evolve. And as long as we stay curious and open to learning, we can keep becoming more awesome. Isn’t that exciting?
I have been through heartbreak, disappointment, reinvention, uncertainty, and more than a few wrong turns.
But somewhere along the way, something changed.
I stopped trying to become someone else and started becoming a better friend to myself.
During the podcast, Andrew and I talked about authenticity and ambition.
I stepped into my authenticity years ago, but with age I have become more confident in it.
I spend less time worrying about what others think and more time pursuing what matters to me.
The anxiety is still there sometimes.
The difference is that it no longer decides what I do.
As long as I am helping people, making the world a little better, and living in alignment with my values, I know I am moving in the right direction.
And honestly, I think that may be one of the best parts of growing older.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. What is your insight or perspective on aging? Please comment. I would love to hear from you. Stay tuned for part two where it gets really juicy lol.
Peace & Light,
Libby
