The Juicy Truth About Why Relationships are so Difficult

Relationships are difficult because they force a level of vulnerability that makes both people reveal who they really are. Deep down we all fear being ourselves, we fear we are not enough for our partner, and we fear that if our partner knows all of our flaws they will not love us. It is critical to love and accept each other physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually exactly as you are when you meet without wanting to change a thing. Acceptance is the key to success in a lasting relationship.

It is also hard because it forces us to look at who we really are. Relationships provide a mirror that is necessary for our own personal growth and it certainly is not easy. When we are alone we can convince ourselves of anything, but in a relationship we have accountability. This means we see things in ourselves we do not always like, but this is how we grow and improve. It is important to be grateful for the mirror and the awareness that our partner brings to us.

Choose a partner who allows you to feel safe, particularly if you have suffered from P.T.S.D. This way when you do disagree your partner can soothe you rather than escalate the argument. Disagreements are a normal part of relationships, but you can get through them with the right person when you know you are on the same team, remain respectful, protect each other, and stay loyal and loving.

You will know you are in a healthy relationship when you when feel:

• Acceptance: you both accept yourself and each other exactly as you are without wanting to change anything. You love your partner flaws and all. You both want to practice personal growth.

• Security: you protect each other and have each other’s back through thick and thin. You know your partner would do absolutely anything for you. You feel safe emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually.

• Laughter: you laugh and are playful and have a sense of adventure with your partner. You both enjoy similar things and there is a sense of ease. You should also enjoy everyday life together. You do not have to worry about looking silly in front of your partner because they love that about you.

• Disagreements: you can respectfully disagree without putting each other down, name calling, or disrespecting. You can still honor your own opinions and point of view.

• Space: you are comfortable doing things apart and independently as we as doing things as a couple. You can give each other space because you have complete trust.

• Loyalty: you would never think about cheating on this person in fact there is no one you would rather see. You would never do anything to risk losing this person.

You never need to force a relationship. If you are not happy or even worse, if you are with someone you feel dims the light of your soul by emotionally or verbally abusing you leave the relationship. No one in the world can complete you but YOU. Be o.k. with being alone and be confident with who you are before entering a relationship so that you can have a solid foundation on which to build your life together. Relationships are intended to help us reach our full potential in personal growth. Choose wisely because your relationship will affect all aspects of your life ranging from your career to your sleep habits.

Love & Light,

Libby

P.S. I appreciate you taking the time to read this. If you enjoyed it please hit the heart and feel free to share it with your friends. Many people are struggling in relationships and we all deserve happiness. Just a reminder if you are on a desk top the side bar has a link, mobile users please scroll to the bottom, and a code '“gratitude” for 30% off at Cresent Treasures which has stunning and affordable jewelry! A small percentage of your purchase helps me to support the work I do.

Reclaiming Self Love After a Breakup

Reclaiming Self Love and Independence After a Breakup

When a relationship ends you feel shattered and broken, but it is very important to acknowledge the fact that it is the relationship that is broken and you are still fundamentally whole. It is time to reclaim self love, rebuild your resilience, and re-establish your authentic voice. If you were in a toxic relationship you have probably given your power away for a very long time. One of the biggest things we initially miss is the physical touch, the hug, that person who was always by our side. You might have the temptation to return to your ex or to have a fling, but those are destructive behaviors that will cause even more pain and heartache. I would strongly encourage you to spend this time alone and rebuilding yourself rather than compromise your own healing process.

It is very normal to dread doing things alone after a break up, but try to embrace it. You might feel like the “third wheel” joining friends, but go anyway and be ok doing things alone as well. Remove all the masks you have been wearing from previous programming and get to know yourself. Try new activities or revisit ones you have not experienced in awhile. It often takes hardships to discover the very best part of ourselves. We go through dark trying times and then come out better than ever.

I did not show up in my own life until after I had had my own kids. I was 30 years old and ran my first full marathon. It was that experience that allowed me to grow and realize that I could be myself and not just who my parents wanted me to be. After that I began my yoga journey and evolved even further. Eventually, I outgrew my marriage and found my authentic voice. After my divorce I went through a really dark time, I made all the mistakes, and then picked myself up, found an even deeper strength and chose to reinvent myself. I now know that I had to experience all of that to truly be able to put all the pieces together in my life, find deep understanding, and I now can help others. Without that dark night of the soul moment I would not be where I am. So I have complete gratitude for all of the breakups and heartache.

Healing takes time and patience. When you experience the dark night of the soul you feel lonely and sad and thats ok. But, I am here to tell you that it is temporary and it gets so much better. So please my friends, use the time to get to know, honor, and love yourself . Determine what it is you really enjoy doing and then do more of that. Explore what your best traits are. Determine what values are important to you. And then practice self compassion. Go easy on yourself as you are healing from the heartache of this break up. It may feel like you are even mourning the death of a loved one, it hurts so badly, and that is ok. Allow yourself to feel all those emotions as long as you do not remain stuck there.

Love and accept yourself before you can love and be loved.

For you men out there, sometimes expressing your feelings is harder than it is for women or at least openly talking about it. Having a social group, or even a therapist, to be able to open up to often helps get our feelings off of our chest. For all of us though, it is important to feel our feelings and to express those in constructive ways because when we shove them down inside that’s when they build and then we end up with resentment and negative energy. Please seek counseling if you feel you are depressed or struggling to function. Only when you show up and know who you really are and what you value can you eventually show up for a future partner. 

Be aware of the inner dialogue occurring in your mind. Question your inner critic. Sometimes our fight or flight response causes our thoughts to become distorted. Finally, set boundaries. Go back to that list you created of values and things that are important to you. Also look at areas that were problematic in your previous relationship. Set boundaries that will help prevent you from being hurt again. Anyone who respects you will respect your boundaries as well.

10 Ways to Cultivate Confidence

1. List your strengths

2. Try new hobbies

3. Explore your interests

4. Practice positive self talk

5. Question the inner critic

6. Accept compliments

7. Set boundaries

8. Practice self love and care

9. Recognize triggers and learn coping mechanisms

10. Ditch the drama and chaos

PC:Paul Garrett, Total Soulful Journey

Give yourself the love you need. No one can ever take that away from you. You will no longer need outside validation and you will feel a stronger sense of confidence. People will be more attracted to you because they will feel your positive energy. From this place of self love and centeredness you will then be ready to move forward and date again. When that time comes take it slowly. Learn to trust yourself. Do not go diving straight into taking someone home to meet your family or going on vacation together. Consider short dates where you can talk and get to know each other. Build a friendship and make sure you enjoy activities together and share the same values. Discuss your boundaries and be very clear about what those look like. You deserve to be loved and to be treated with respect, loyalty, and honesty. If you remain single that is ok too, after all, you do not have to share your last bite of cake with anyone that way!

Light & Love,

Libby

P.S. I welcome you to comment below on how you feel about this post or about topics you would like to know more about! I appreciate you taking the time to read this and I welcome you to follow my instagram page @levelupwithlibby and join along in our community! Reach out if you would like a coaching consultation and stay tuned for my upcoming class on Breaking Free from Toxic Relationships to Live the Live you Love

What is Your Favorite Flower?

I Believe it is in nature that we best come to know ourselves. So plant the seeds of what you love and watch the world around you grow.  

Living on the edge. Take chances. Lake Cumberland, Ky  

Do your daily yoga practice and progress is sure to follow.  You do not need to be able to do the full splits to practice yoga.  The important part is to start where you are.  Practice full acceptance, trust the journey, and most importantly have fun with it!

Sometimes we need to kick off our shoes and plant our feet right into the earth. Really feel grounded and one with nature. Quiet the mind and leave behind the chaos of the external world. It is in these moments when we connect body, mind and soul. We feel whole. That is when our beauty shines. So live your authentic life. Blossom into your own unique being.  

Please comment below on your favorite flower.  

Namaste Beautiful Friends, 

Libby

ps- I love all wild flowers