The Juicy Truth About Why Relationships are so Difficult

Relationships are difficult because they force a level of vulnerability that makes both people reveal who they really are. Deep down we all fear being ourselves, we fear we are not enough for our partner, and we fear that if our partner knows all of our flaws they will not love us. It is critical to love and accept each other physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually exactly as you are when you meet without wanting to change a thing. Acceptance is the key to success in a lasting relationship.

It is also hard because it forces us to look at who we really are. Relationships provide a mirror that is necessary for our own personal growth and it certainly is not easy. When we are alone we can convince ourselves of anything, but in a relationship we have accountability. This means we see things in ourselves we do not always like, but this is how we grow and improve. It is important to be grateful for the mirror and the awareness that our partner brings to us.

Choose a partner who allows you to feel safe, particularly if you have suffered from P.T.S.D. This way when you do disagree your partner can soothe you rather than escalate the argument. Disagreements are a normal part of relationships, but you can get through them with the right person when you know you are on the same team, remain respectful, protect each other, and stay loyal and loving.

You will know you are in a healthy relationship when you when feel:

• Acceptance: you both accept yourself and each other exactly as you are without wanting to change anything. You love your partner flaws and all. You both want to practice personal growth.

• Security: you protect each other and have each other’s back through thick and thin. You know your partner would do absolutely anything for you. You feel safe emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually.

• Laughter: you laugh and are playful and have a sense of adventure with your partner. You both enjoy similar things and there is a sense of ease. You should also enjoy everyday life together. You do not have to worry about looking silly in front of your partner because they love that about you.

• Disagreements: you can respectfully disagree without putting each other down, name calling, or disrespecting. You can still honor your own opinions and point of view.

• Space: you are comfortable doing things apart and independently as we as doing things as a couple. You can give each other space because you have complete trust.

• Loyalty: you would never think about cheating on this person in fact there is no one you would rather see. You would never do anything to risk losing this person.

You never need to force a relationship. If you are not happy or even worse, if you are with someone you feel dims the light of your soul by emotionally or verbally abusing you leave the relationship. No one in the world can complete you but YOU. Be o.k. with being alone and be confident with who you are before entering a relationship so that you can have a solid foundation on which to build your life together. Relationships are intended to help us reach our full potential in personal growth. Choose wisely because your relationship will affect all aspects of your life ranging from your career to your sleep habits.

Love & Light,

Libby

P.S. I appreciate you taking the time to read this. If you enjoyed it please hit the heart and feel free to share it with your friends. Many people are struggling in relationships and we all deserve happiness. Just a reminder if you are on a desk top the side bar has a link, mobile users please scroll to the bottom, and a code '“gratitude” for 30% off at Cresent Treasures which has stunning and affordable jewelry! A small percentage of your purchase helps me to support the work I do.

How to Admit You are Stuck in an Unhealthy Relationship

One way to know if you are stuck in an unhealthy or toxic relationship, is if it is costing you other important relationships.
You need to really be able to step back and evaluate your friendships and other family relationships. Are you being isolated? Are you being talked down to or manipulated. Truly listen to your loved ones because sometimes they need to be your voice of reason when your mind has been so manipulated by the person you love.

Often, the person we think loves us, is emotionally abusing us. Sometimes, they are not even aware because they are covert narcissistic. And other times they are aware and are narcissistic and want to control or manipulate the situation. Either way, it is unhealthy. Especially, in the case where children are involved and neglected as a result of being squeezed out of the relationship altogether. It is terribly heartbreaking to watch. Yet, sooo many people endure it. It is more common than one would imagine.

I would just encourage all of you, as my friends and readers, to please be aware of the signs of both emotional abuse and of covert narcissistic tendencies. Emotional abuse is equally as harmful as physical abuse, and although we do not see the wounds, the light in the soul is dimmed each time and the self esteem is deeply damaged. Those wounds go far beneath the surface.

We can ALWAYS change and reinvent our lives. I am living proof. So please, if you see a friend or family member silently suffering- offer to help by listening to her story, maybe offer to help find her a good therapist. Most of all, let her know she does not have to stay in that situation. I think personally most women sadly feel stuck financially. But, I can tell you it is very liberating once you realize you really CAN make it on your own. So, I hope my list of ways to Level Up in 2021 will help inspire a few people to take a leap of faith and truly improve your life. You deserve to be happy and free! And if you feel confused- you are not happy and not with the right person! You are being manipulated.
Peace & Light,

Libby

How to Practice Empathetic Listening to Strengthen Relationships

Do you practice empathetic listening in your relationship?

Communication is a critical component in successful relationships.

The thing is you do not necessarily have to be a good communicator, you just need to be kind, caring, and willing to try! Showing your partner you can actively listen with understanding and patience and that you truly care about what they are saying will go a long way. There may even be times when you do not understand and you disagree, but you can feel where they are coming from and still listen with empathy.

Remember, you are always in the foxhole with your partner. You always have their back. Stay grateful for one another and show that gratitude daily in simple ways. When you disagree do so in a way that is still respectful and does not hurt anyone’s feelings. Words can be forgiven, but not often forgotten.

Empathetic Listening:

1. Listen to understand- Know that this is not about YOU. Listen purposefully. Try to understand what is being said and not just what is relevant to you. Repeat back what was said paraphrasing what you heard to be sure you understood. Give your partner the chance to clarify if you missed anything. If at anytime in conversation you feel triggered by a negative feeling or emotion, try to stay present in the conversation, and focus on listening. Call a respectful time out if it gets to the point where you can no longer focus your attention.

2. Ask open ended questions- avoid providing solutions. Sometimes people just want to talk to clear their mind and are not looking for answers. Instead, show interest by gathering more information. Ask relevant questions, keeping the discussion about the idea or issue at hand.

3. Avoid distractions- put phones and computers away before starting the conversation. Turn the T.V. And music off. Give your full attention. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. If you get distracted by other thoughts bring your awareness back to the present conversation.

4. Practice Non-Judgement- watch for preconceived ideas about the topic being discussed and never criticize. Remember, you are on the same team.

5. Watch Non Verbal Communication- much of what we say is through body language and tone of voice. Be sure to sit in a relaxed way with fists and hands relaxed. Try to talk in slow calm tones so that the information can be better perceived. Eye contact can be very helpful in facilitating a deeper connection. Please do not try to guess or jump ahead to what your partner is going to try to say no matter how well you feel you can finish his or her sentence.
   

When we talk about empathetic communication it is important to know it applies to all relationships, not just romantic ones. So, when you gather with family over the holidays remember to embrace these five tips- especially if it is a story you may have heard for the umpteenth time!

Thank you for reading and listening to my thoughts. Stay warm and bright!

Light & Love,

Libby