How to Practice Empathetic Listening to Strengthen Relationships

Do you practice empathetic listening in your relationship?

Communication is a critical component in successful relationships.

The thing is you do not necessarily have to be a good communicator, you just need to be kind, caring, and willing to try! Showing your partner you can actively listen with understanding and patience and that you truly care about what they are saying will go a long way. There may even be times when you do not understand and you disagree, but you can feel where they are coming from and still listen with empathy.

Remember, you are always in the foxhole with your partner. You always have their back. Stay grateful for one another and show that gratitude daily in simple ways. When you disagree do so in a way that is still respectful and does not hurt anyone’s feelings. Words can be forgiven, but not often forgotten.

Empathetic Listening:

1. Listen to understand- Know that this is not about YOU. Listen purposefully. Try to understand what is being said and not just what is relevant to you. Repeat back what was said paraphrasing what you heard to be sure you understood. Give your partner the chance to clarify if you missed anything. If at anytime in conversation you feel triggered by a negative feeling or emotion, try to stay present in the conversation, and focus on listening. Call a respectful time out if it gets to the point where you can no longer focus your attention.

2. Ask open ended questions- avoid providing solutions. Sometimes people just want to talk to clear their mind and are not looking for answers. Instead, show interest by gathering more information. Ask relevant questions, keeping the discussion about the idea or issue at hand.

3. Avoid distractions- put phones and computers away before starting the conversation. Turn the T.V. And music off. Give your full attention. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. If you get distracted by other thoughts bring your awareness back to the present conversation.

4. Practice Non-Judgement- watch for preconceived ideas about the topic being discussed and never criticize. Remember, you are on the same team.

5. Watch Non Verbal Communication- much of what we say is through body language and tone of voice. Be sure to sit in a relaxed way with fists and hands relaxed. Try to talk in slow calm tones so that the information can be better perceived. Eye contact can be very helpful in facilitating a deeper connection. Please do not try to guess or jump ahead to what your partner is going to try to say no matter how well you feel you can finish his or her sentence.
   

When we talk about empathetic communication it is important to know it applies to all relationships, not just romantic ones. So, when you gather with family over the holidays remember to embrace these five tips- especially if it is a story you may have heard for the umpteenth time!

Thank you for reading and listening to my thoughts. Stay warm and bright!

Light & Love,

Libby

10 Ways to Increase Resilience and Improve Mental Endurance

Mental Endurance

When we hear the word endurance we often think of long physical events like a marathon. But, even in those last few of the 26.2 miles it becomes every bit as much of a mental challenge as a physical challenge. How often do you assess your mental endurance? Resilience is our mental ability to recover from misfortune and to stay positive in trying times. I like to think that people who are highly resilient have high mental endurance because they are able to persevere through the difficulties in life by using self discipline and will power. According to Psychology Today, “Resilience is the ineffable quality that allows some people to be knocked down by life and come back stronger than ever. Rather than letting them drain their resolve, they find a way to rise from the ashes.” 

When your roots are firmly planted in faith, love, and family storms may shake you but they won’t knock you down. This is one very resilient, brave, and determined young woman and her momma is very proud of her.

Characteristics of Resilient People

• Independent/ self sufficient/ authentic

• The ability to regulate emotions

• They have Rational thought process

• Confident

• Optimistic even in trying times

• High emotional intelligence

• Knows their purpose in life

• Good sense of humor

• Loving & compassionate

• Flexible mind

In general, one must be aware of themselves and their surroundings. They must be able to manage their thoughts, feelings, and emotions effectively and be able to communicate those to others. And, Someone who is resilient knows that life will always change and they expect the ups and downs and ebbs and flows. For people who are naturally resilient, it is not about life being easy. It is about experiencing all of the negative events in life, but still staying optimistic, hopeful, and high functioning. Those who are naturally resilient have the capacity to manage strong emotions and feelings and the skills to problem solve and communicate even while those emotions are heightened. It is the special gift and ability to remain calm under pressure and regulate stress levels. If this does not come naturally to you there are ways to increase your mental endurance, or resiliency. 

10 Ways to Increase Resilience

1. Allow yourself to feel every emotion free from judgement

2. Be mindful of your wellness emotionally and physically

3. Journal goals, thoughts, and feelings

4. Have a strong support system

5. Process your emotions with a therapist

6. Get adequate rest and down time

7. Find your sense of purpose and consider giving back to others 

8. Practice self care

9. Develop problem solving skills

10. Establish reasonable short and long term goals and take action

My daughter, Morgan, and her service dog, Beacon ( her Beacon of light and hope) in the Neurology wing of Cleveland Clinic’s Main Campus.

I consider myself to be highly resilient with a good sense of humor and I have sure needed it recently as life has thrown every challenge possible my way. In fact, just this week I was a couple hours north at Cleveland Clinic with my daughter who is undergoing tests to try to find out what is causing numbness that seems to be spreading from her toes, legs and now hands, and vision disturbances. We are seeing a Neuromuscular specialist and I have faith we will get to the bottom of it. But there were a series of things that went wrong and for someone who was not resilient it may have been bad. With the Presidential Debate in town and roads blocked, a mishap with an appointment, and then our GPS taking us to our home address in CANADA rather than Ohio we simply laughed hysterically as we passed the Pennsylvania sign. All we could do was turn around and get back on going south. You see, it is all about mindset and perspective. The ability to bounce back and to make the best of every situation. Yes, I get frustrated sometimes, but it does not do any good to stew and stress. Life is far more fun when we are laughing and making the best of it. So think of yourself as a highly trained mental athlete, if you will, and train yourself to increase your resiliency.

Light & Love,

Libby

P.S. Happy October 1st! New month, new opportunities to grow, learn and improve! Did you know October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month? Domestic Violence Includes verbal, emotional and physical abuse in children and adults. Stake a stand, be a voice ❤️ Domestic Violence Help Hotline 1-800-799-7233. People who have been emotionally abused have an extremely difficult time building resiliency and they often apologize for everything. If you spot someone who is unsure of themselves and apologizes for everything be patient with them and offer to get them help. Emotional abuse is silent, but incredibly damaging to the mind and the spirit and eventually can cause long term physical harm as well.