Reclaiming Self Love and Independence After a Breakup
When a relationship ends you feel shattered and broken, but it is very important to acknowledge the fact that it is the relationship that is broken and you are still fundamentally whole. It is time to reclaim self love, rebuild your resilience, and re-establish your authentic voice. If you were in a toxic relationship you have probably given your power away for a very long time. One of the biggest things we initially miss is the physical touch, the hug, that person who was always by our side. You might have the temptation to return to your ex or to have a fling, but those are destructive behaviors that will cause even more pain and heartache. I would strongly encourage you to spend this time alone and rebuilding yourself rather than compromise your own healing process.
It is very normal to dread doing things alone after a break up, but try to embrace it. You might feel like the “third wheel” joining friends, but go anyway and be ok doing things alone as well. Remove all the masks you have been wearing from previous programming and get to know yourself. Try new activities or revisit ones you have not experienced in awhile. It often takes hardships to discover the very best part of ourselves. We go through dark trying times and then come out better than ever.
I did not show up in my own life until after I had had my own kids. I was 30 years old and ran my first full marathon. It was that experience that allowed me to grow and realize that I could be myself and not just who my parents wanted me to be. After that I began my yoga journey and evolved even further. Eventually, I outgrew my marriage and found my authentic voice. After my divorce I went through a really dark time, I made all the mistakes, and then picked myself up, found an even deeper strength and chose to reinvent myself. I now know that I had to experience all of that to truly be able to put all the pieces together in my life, find deep understanding, and I now can help others. Without that dark night of the soul moment I would not be where I am. So I have complete gratitude for all of the breakups and heartache.
Healing takes time and patience. When you experience the dark night of the soul you feel lonely and sad and thats ok. But, I am here to tell you that it is temporary and it gets so much better. So please my friends, use the time to get to know, honor, and love yourself . Determine what it is you really enjoy doing and then do more of that. Explore what your best traits are. Determine what values are important to you. And then practice self compassion. Go easy on yourself as you are healing from the heartache of this break up. It may feel like you are even mourning the death of a loved one, it hurts so badly, and that is ok. Allow yourself to feel all those emotions as long as you do not remain stuck there.
Love and accept yourself before you can love and be loved.
For you men out there, sometimes expressing your feelings is harder than it is for women or at least openly talking about it. Having a social group, or even a therapist, to be able to open up to often helps get our feelings off of our chest. For all of us though, it is important to feel our feelings and to express those in constructive ways because when we shove them down inside that’s when they build and then we end up with resentment and negative energy. Please seek counseling if you feel you are depressed or struggling to function. Only when you show up and know who you really are and what you value can you eventually show up for a future partner.
Be aware of the inner dialogue occurring in your mind. Question your inner critic. Sometimes our fight or flight response causes our thoughts to become distorted. Finally, set boundaries. Go back to that list you created of values and things that are important to you. Also look at areas that were problematic in your previous relationship. Set boundaries that will help prevent you from being hurt again. Anyone who respects you will respect your boundaries as well.
10 Ways to Cultivate Confidence
List your strengths
Try new hobbies
Explore your interests
Practice positive self talk
Question the inner critic
Accept compliments
Set boundaries
Practice self love and care
Recognize triggers and learn coping mechanisms
Ditch the drama and chaos
PC:Paul Garrett, Total Soulful Journey
Give yourself the love you need. No one can ever take that away from you. You will no longer need outside validation and you will feel a stronger sense of confidence. People will be more attracted to you because they will feel your positive energy. From this place of self love and centeredness you will then be ready to move forward and date again. When that time comes take it slowly. Learn to trust yourself. Do not go diving straight into taking someone home to meet your family or going on vacation together. Consider short dates where you can talk and get to know each other. Build a friendship and make sure you enjoy activities together and share the same values. Discuss your boundaries and be very clear about what those look like. You deserve to be loved and to be treated with respect, loyalty, and honesty. If you remain single that is ok too, after all, you do not have to share your last bite of cake with anyone that way!
Light & Love,
Libby
P.S. I welcome you to comment below on how you feel about this post or about topics you would like to know more about! I appreciate you taking the time to read this and I welcome you to follow my instagram page @levelupwithlibby and join along in our community! Reach out if you would like a coaching consultation and stay tuned for my upcoming class on Breaking Free from Toxic Relationships to Live the Live you Love