Why Patience Is One of the Most Important Relationship Skills

Image created by Author using AI

The older I get, the more I realize that patience isn’t about tolerating people. It’s about accepting that not everything has to be done my way.

One of the biggest lessons I have learned about relationships is that patience is not about never getting irritated.

It is about deciding what is worth your emotional energy.

Every person has habits that can be annoying. Every relationship has moments of friction. If we react to every minor frustration, we spend our lives in a constant state of aggravation.

Emotional maturity teaches us to ask a different question:

Is this a genuine problem, or is this simply a moment of annoyance that will pass?

The answer matters because relationships are often shaped less by the big conflicts and more by the thousands of small moments in between.

It is funny. My mom has always said she struggles with patience, and yet her relationship with my dad was epic. They say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

I don’t consider patience to be my strongest quality. However, as my awareness grows, so too does my patience.

I am becoming better at pausing before reacting and asking myself a simple question:

Is this really worth getting upset over?

The older I get, the more I realize patience is not something we either have or don’t have.

It is a skill that grows alongside self-awareness.

Awareness Creates Patience

Living with someone certainly tests a person’s patience.

Take the dishwasher, for example. One person will load it like a skilled Scandinavian engineer, maximizing every inch of available space and somehow fitting in three days’ worth of dishes. The other person loads it haphazardly, leaving half the dishes on the counter or in the sink for the next load.

To be fair, if both people are loading the dishwasher at all, you are already ahead of the game. Sometimes one person simply leaves everything for the other person to clean.

This is what I have learned from living with someone over the last four years.

There are certain habits he has that drive me absolutely crazy. But to his defense, if he doesn’t know something is bothering me, how can he possibly fix it?

I have also learned that he is incredibly helpful and good at many things. That realization has taught me to pick my battles wisely so that every conversation isn’t centered around what annoys me.

The Coffee Cup Lesson

One of those habits is that he reuses his coffee cup day after day without washing it.

Completely disgusting.

At least to me.

Eventually, I realized I had to let that one go because I am not the one drinking from the cup.

Where he left the cup, however, was a different story.

That affected our shared space, so I spoke up. After relocating the cup to its proper home enough times, he finally caught on and now honors that boundary.

What surprised me was realizing that the coffee cup was never really the issue.

The issue was that I wanted things done my way.

Once I accepted that his coffee cup had absolutely no impact on my quality of life, I was able to release the irritation and move on.

The thing about patience is that it begins with awareness.

Before we react, we have to notice what is happening inside of us.

Is my nervous system responding because something genuinely important is happening?

Or am I annoyed because the sound of a fork scraping a skillet instead of using a perfectly lovely spatula makes me want to launch myself through a closed window?

One situation may require a conversation.

The other may require a deep breath and a reminder that nobody has ever died from improper utensil selection.

Patience asks us to slow down long enough to tell the difference.

Acceptance Versus Self-Abandonment

I realize I am far from perfect, and he is very patient with me as well.

When two people come together, they bring all of their habits with them — the good, the bad, and the slightly baffling.

The beautiful part of a healthy relationship is not changing the other person. It is helping each other grow.

Not because one person is right and the other is wrong, but because both people are willing to level up together.

It is also essential not to abandon yourself in the process of blending your life with someone else’s.

This is where prioritizing and picking your battles becomes important.

How we bring up concerns matters just as much as the concern itself.

Using “I” statements, assuming positive intent, and giving the other person the benefit of the doubt often creates far better outcomes than leading with criticism.

After all, if we never speak up, we cannot find a resolution.

And our homes should be our sanctuary.

Compromise is equally important.

Every person enters a relationship with different preferences, routines, and expectations.

No one is perfect.

Realizing this has allowed me to ground myself and become more patient.

I am learning to overlook things that once irritated me. I take a deep breath, shrug my shoulders, and remind myself that this is simply life.

Now, if the person you live with blatantly disrespects boundaries that you have clearly communicated and established to protect your peace, that is a different conversation entirely.

Patience should never require self-abandonment.

There are things we should let go.

There are things we should address.

Wisdom is learning the difference.

Final Thoughts

The older I get, the less interested I am in correcting every annoyance, winning every disagreement, or proving that my way is the better way.

Patience has taught me that relationships are not built through perfection.

They are built through grace.

Through the thousands of small moments where we choose understanding over frustration, compromise over stubbornness, and peace over being right.

I’ve learned that peace comes from knowing the difference between what needs to be discussed and what needs to be accepted.

Not every irritation requires a conversation.

But not every problem should be ignored either.

Wisdom is learning the difference.

I appreciate you taking the time to read this. If you enjoyed it I hope you will share on your social media. The world can definitely use a bit more patience. 😊

How Psychological Abuse Slowly Steals Your Sense of Self

Envato Elements Purchased Image License WLM5P2RG9Y

Rarely does anyone walk into a coaching session and tell me they have been emotionally or psychologically abused. They come to me saying they feel lost, confused, anxious, disconnected from themselves, or unable to explain why they are unhappy.

Some may shrug their shoulders and casually admit that their spouse puts them down, dismisses their feelings, or undermines their opinions, but they never viewed it as abuse.

As we peel back the layers and I begin asking more questions, I often see a light go on. About that same time, their eyes well with tears.

Suddenly they begin connecting dots they never connected before. All they knew was there was a discomfort, maybe even a misery, but they couldn’t quite put their finger on it.

And if their partner was particularly skilled at manipulation, they likely learned long ago to doubt their own reality.

When they finally tried to express how they felt, they were often met with questions like:

“Give me an example.”

“What exactly did I do?”

“When did that happen?”

Unable to point to one specific event, they would leave the conversation feeling defeated.

“See?” their partner would reply. “I’m not doing anything to you.”

Psychological abuse is rarely obvious in the beginning.

There are no bruises to point to. No dramatic event that suddenly reveals what is happening.

Instead, it often appears in small moments that are easy to dismiss individually but devastating when experienced repeatedly over time.

Quiet Signs

• They undermine you in subtle ways that add up over time. It may begin with an eye roll, a sarcastic comment, or an “Oh, this again?” whenever you try to express yourself.

• They withhold affection when you need it most. They may frame it as refusing to encourage your “drama” or “overreaction,” but affection becomes something they control rather than freely give.

• They subtly isolate you. They make comments about your friends and family: “You’re different when you’re around them.” “They aren’t genuine people.” “Why can’t we just stay home and enjoy each other?” At first it sounds like love. Over time it creates distance between you and the people who support you.

• They punish your kindness. No matter how hard you try, nothing seems good enough. The more effort you make, the more criticism, withdrawal, or rejection you receive in return.

• They gaslight you until you begin questioning your own memory and perception. “That’s not what I said.” “You’re putting words in my mouth.” “That’s not what happened.” “You’re overreacting.”

• They play the victim. Somehow every conflict becomes your fault. To outsiders they appear reasonable, charming, and misunderstood while you begin to feel like the problem.

The Damage You Cannot See

Over time, psychological abuse doesn’t just damage the relationship. It damages your relationship with yourself.

You begin to:

• Stop trusting your instincts.

• Second-guess your memories.

• Hesitate before sharing your opinions.

• Apologize for things that are not your fault.

Slowly, you become smaller, quieter, and less certain of who you are.

Most of my clients do not come to me saying they have been psychologically abused. They come to me saying they feel lost.

They say they don’t feel like themselves anymore.

They describe a vague emptiness, a sadness, or a sense that something is missing.

What is missing is often the trust they once had in themselves.

And that is exactly what I love helping them rebuild.

I love helping them find their way back to themselves.

Awareness Is Where We Rise

Everyone has two choices when they find themselves stuck in pain.

They can remain in the fire and continue getting burned, or they can rise from the ashes.

When I finally became aware of the manipulation in my own relationship, I moved through stages that felt remarkably similar to grief. At first, I was sad because I missed my partner. Then I was angry.

I couldn’t understand how someone I loved could make me feel so confused, so small, and so disconnected from myself. I wondered how the person I thought would protect me had become the source of so much pain.

After that came loneliness.

I built walls around my heart and refused to trust anyone.

But slowly, as time passed, I began rebuilding something even more important than trust in other people. I began rebuilding trust in myself.

My confidence returned.

My intuition became stronger.

The walls gradually came down.

Today, I see those signs of manipulation clearly. I no longer mistake control for love, criticism for concern, or confusion for connection. The beautiful thing about awareness is that once you see the pattern, you cannot unsee it.

You begin recognizing manipulation where you once saw love.

You begin recognizing control where you once saw protection.

You begin recognizing criticism where you once saw concern.

Most importantly, you begin trusting yourself again.

That is the moment healing truly begins.

Final Thoughts

One of the questions I get asked most often is, “How long does it take to heal?”

Whether someone is recovering from psychological abuse, heartbreak, trauma, or PTSD, my answer is always the same: it depends.

Healing is deeply personal. There is no universal timeline and no finish line that looks the same for everyone.

Some people spend years stuck in the awareness stage. They recognize what happened but continue revisiting the pain without taking meaningful steps toward healing. Others fully commit to the process. They show up for themselves. They do the difficult inner work. They complete their coaching exercises, challenge old beliefs, practice healthier boundaries, and slowly rebuild trust in themselves.

Those are often the people I see make progress more quickly — not because they are stronger and not because they suffered less, but because healing requires participation.

Awareness is the first step, but awareness alone is not enough. Once we recognize the patterns that hurt us, we must also be willing to create new patterns that support us.

The good news is that healing is absolutely possible.

I have seen people who could barely trust themselves learn to trust their intuition again. I have seen people who felt broken rediscover their confidence. I have seen people who believed they would never love again build healthy, fulfilling relationships.

Healing may not happen overnight — in fact it never does, but every small step matters.

And sometimes rising from the ashes does not mean becoming someone new. Sometimes it simply means returning to who you were before someone convinced you that you were not enough. But it truly is a cool turning point in life because you get to choose how to write the next chapter.

Peace & Light,

Libby

People Don't Expect Perfection - They Remember How You Show Up

Aspen loves her monthly box which has a very fun and unique theme. (it now comes in a bag for shipping, but it is the same high quality products.)

In an increasingly automated world, great customer service matters more than ever.

Aspen's monthly BARK box. Each month has a fun theme. She loves it! (They now use a bag for shipping rather than a box, but same great products)

Customer service can make or break an experience. 

Great service builds loyalty. It keeps you coming back, confident in your choice. 

Poor service? It leaves you frustrated - maybe willing to give one more chance… or maybe done for good.

And these days, with so many options at our fingertips, customer service isn't just important - it's everything.

There's nothing more frustrating than calling a company, navigating endless prompts, and never actually reaching a human. Gone are the days when someone simply picks up on the other end.

That said, I will admit - the callback option is a nice improvement.

I've been very pleased with Amazon Prime. I appreciate the ease of returns, the reliability, and of course, the speed of delivery. (I have no affiliation - just a satisfied customer.)

But the story I really want to share today is about a much smaller company that truly impressed me.

I'm not even sure how I first came across them - likely through social media - but the company is called BARK. As you might imagine, they specialize in dog products: treats, toys, food, dental items - and now even a first-class airline where you can travel with your furry friend.

They offer monthly subscription boxes, which I don't typically gravitate toward. But at the time, Aspen - my puppy - was tearing through every toy I brought home with those sharp little teeth.

BARK offered customizable packages, so I chose the large-breed, aggressive chewer option with treats. Each month, Aspen receives two bags of treats and two toys for around $29 - which I've found to be very reasonable.

So what sets them apart?

Customer service.

I live in a condominium where packages are usually delivered to a parcel room, though occasionally they're left at the front door. One month, Aspen's box never arrived. I reached out to BARK, and without hesitation, they apologized and immediately sent a replacement.

Their packaging is quite recognizable, and with so many dog owners in my building, I suspect it may have been taken. But what stood out is how they handled it - no questions, no hassle, just action. They also began sending shipping notifications so I'd know exactly when to expect delivery.

They also regularly send surveys asking for feedback - for both the customer and the dog, which I think is such a thoughtful touch.

I've typically given positive reviews, but recently I mentioned that the toys felt a bit too hard and Aspen was losing interest quickly.

Within an hour, I received a response.

They apologized and offered to send a softer, plush toy to see if it would be a better fit. They also let me know that if Aspen preferred it, they could customize future boxes accordingly.

Five days later, a plush dragon arrived.

Aspen loves it.

Aspen with her BARK dragon—blurry because she was so excited and shaking it all around.

I let BARK know how happy she was and asked if it was too late to adjust her upcoming box. Their response? Not at all - they were happy to make the change and simply glad Aspen was enjoying her new toy.

This is a company that goes above and beyond.

And that's exactly what creates not just satisfied customers - but loyal ones.

Final Thoughts

In a world where automation is replacing human interaction and convenience often outweighs connection, it's easy for companies to forget what truly matters.

People remember how you make them feel.

They remember when they're heard. 

When they're valued. 

When someone takes the time to go the extra step.

Exceptional customer service isn't about perfection - it's about presence. It's about responsiveness, care, and a genuine desire to make things right.

Because at the end of the day, products can be replicated.

But how a company shows up for its customers?

That's what sets it apart.

Interestingly, the same principles apply in our relationships - people don't expect perfection, but they do remember how we show up and how we make the other person feel.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please comment and share your customer service stories either good or nightmares. 

Peace & Light,

Libby

You Don't Miss Her - You Miss Who You Were With Her

Envat Elements Purchased Image License D9NP6YQFXA

You think you still miss her. 
But in reality, you miss the idea of her… 
the memories… 
and most of all, how you felt when you were with her.

You laughed easier with her. 
You showed up differently. 
She brought out a confidence in you that you didn’t even realize you had.

And for the first time in a long time, 
you believed… this could be it.

Now she’s gone. 
And it feels like that version of your life is gone too.

But is it?

The Mind Keeps Replaying Every Scene

You go over it all — again and again.

What could I have done better? 
Did she really understand how much I cared? 
Did I make her enough of a priority?

Your mind searches for answers as if one more thought might change the outcome.

But it won’t.

Reflection is healthy. Ownership is powerful. 
Yes — look inward and get honest about where you could have shown up differently.

And then… let it go.

Because staying stuck in the past doesn’t rewrite the story — 
it just keeps you from creating a new one.

Missing a Person vs. Missing a Feeling

It’s natural to grieve the loss of a relationship. 
You don’t just lose a person — you lose routines, connection, and shared moments.

But here’s the truth most people miss:

Missing her and missing how you felt with her are not the same thing.

Missing a person fades over time. 
Missing a feeling… that’s what lingers.

The good news?

Feelings can be created again.

If you miss connection, laughter, companionship — 
those experiences aren’t tied to one person.

They’re part of you. 
They can exist again, in different ways, with different people.

That doesn’t mean rushing into something serious. 
It means allowing yourself to live again.

To go out. 
To connect. 
To enjoy simple moments without constantly measuring them against the past.

Because the life you imagined with her? 
It wasn’t just about her.

It was about your capacity to love, to show up, to feel deeply.

And that hasn’t gone anywhere.

But here’s something to consider…

While you’re sitting in the past, 
replaying what was, 
questioning what could have been…

There may be someone out there — 
ready for the version of you who has done the work, 
who has grown, 
who knows how to show up even better this time.

Someone who doesn’t need you to be perfect — 
just present.

But they won’t wait forever.

At some point, you have to decide — 
are you going to stay attached to a memory… 
or open yourself up to what’s still possible?

How to Resolve Conflict

In Conflict Remember Each Person is Human

When we experience conflict our ego inflates as a protection mechanism. The ego wants us to be “right” or win the argument. However how can both people ultimately win? It is important to practice the pause when conflict arises. When we are faced with conflict our fight or flight response is triggered and we often say and do things we do not mean because the brain is not functioning logically. After much conflict in my own life and personally shifting to a better place I would like to share my conflict resolution plan with you. 

Conflict causes stress and anxiety which lead to illness and days off work. Conflicts are inevitable in life, but use these tools to help deflate each conflict you come across. Life is about giving and taking and finding balance. Stand up for yourself and set boundaries, but also consider the other persons concerns. Be sure you listen and know that you do not have to solve every problem. Sometimes people just need to be heard.

1. Realize that both people have fears and vulnerabilities

2. Ask yourself if what you are arguing about will matter five years from now

3. Consider taking a time out that is positively expressed so that you can both gather your thoughts

4. Be aware of your tone and body language

5. Choose your battles wisely

6. Eliminate the words ALWAYS and NEVER from your vocabulary

Realize You Both Have Fears and Vulnerabilities

When you are in a conflict but can see yourself in the other person it makes it difficult to be harsh or mean. Determine if your relationship is worth upsetting that person for. Remember, when you argue, the goal you wish to achieve. I know when my boyfriend and I argue it often is not a productive conversation but rather a lot of blaming and projecting. Once we gained awareness of this, we often pause now and reflect about what it is we actually want to achieve. Then it is easier to speak more gently and resolve the conflict.

Ask Yourself if What You are Arguing About Will Matter in Five Years

If it won’t matter in five years do not spend even five minutes arguing about it. Learning to let go and move forward is a blessing. If it is something important that will matter in five years then take the time to compose your thoughts and be sure to separate emotion from thought.

Consider Taking A Time Out

Telling the person you are in conflict with that you need a time out allows both people to calm down. Walking away and giving the silent treatment with out expressing the need for a time out leaves the other person feeling stonewalled or abandoned which leads to increased anxiety. Consider composing your thoughts in letter format and reading it several times before exchanging the letter. Often when we write our thoughts down they become more clear. And remember, say what you mean and mean what you say. Words can be forgiven but rarely are they forgotten.

Be Aware of Your Tone and Body Language

When we speak softly and avoid yelling we can ease anxiety for both people. We are naturally more capable of listening when we are not being yelled at. You do not need to raise your voice to convey your concerns in fact it is always better not to. When we do not feel heard it is natural for the voice to elevate. Let the person know that you hear them even if you do not agree or understand. Closed fists and crossed arms tend to signal being closed minded. Put the person at ease by relaxing your arms, shoulders and hands.

Choose Your Battles Wisely

This was sage advice my mom often said when I was growing up. I use it a-lot as a parent now as well. When something is very important that may be something worth fighting for set and keep your boundaries. For example; when raising my children I would put them in time out when they were disrespectful. Teaching them respect was very important to me. If my children broke something we would talk about being more careful but I did not put them in time out because that was a mistake and mistakes are how we learn.

Eliminate the Words ALWAYS and NEVER

Those of you who know me know that I am a firm believer in moderation. The words always and never are not only extreme, but they are downright impossible. In conflict these two words are used far too often. Eliminate them from your vocabulary and watch the tension decrease in conflict. Also, try to use “I statements” and this will reduce the feelings of blame and shame.

Peace, Light, & Love,

Libby

P.S. Please email me at Libby@journeytothelifeyoulove.com for Life & Wellness Coaching. Sessions can be done by video conference, in person or via telephone. For more information on why a coach will help you please click this link http://www.journeytothelifeyoulove.com