You Don't Miss Her - You Miss Who You Were With Her

Envat Elements Purchased Image License D9NP6YQFXA

You think you still miss her. 
But in reality, you miss the idea of her… 
the memories… 
and most of all, how you felt when you were with her.

You laughed easier with her. 
You showed up differently. 
She brought out a confidence in you that you didn’t even realize you had.

And for the first time in a long time, 
you believed… this could be it.

Now she’s gone. 
And it feels like that version of your life is gone too.

But is it?

The Mind Keeps Replaying Every Scene

You go over it all — again and again.

What could I have done better? 
Did she really understand how much I cared? 
Did I make her enough of a priority?

Your mind searches for answers as if one more thought might change the outcome.

But it won’t.

Reflection is healthy. Ownership is powerful. 
Yes — look inward and get honest about where you could have shown up differently.

And then… let it go.

Because staying stuck in the past doesn’t rewrite the story — 
it just keeps you from creating a new one.

Missing a Person vs. Missing a Feeling

It’s natural to grieve the loss of a relationship. 
You don’t just lose a person — you lose routines, connection, and shared moments.

But here’s the truth most people miss:

Missing her and missing how you felt with her are not the same thing.

Missing a person fades over time. 
Missing a feeling… that’s what lingers.

The good news?

Feelings can be created again.

If you miss connection, laughter, companionship — 
those experiences aren’t tied to one person.

They’re part of you. 
They can exist again, in different ways, with different people.

That doesn’t mean rushing into something serious. 
It means allowing yourself to live again.

To go out. 
To connect. 
To enjoy simple moments without constantly measuring them against the past.

Because the life you imagined with her? 
It wasn’t just about her.

It was about your capacity to love, to show up, to feel deeply.

And that hasn’t gone anywhere.

But here’s something to consider…

While you’re sitting in the past, 
replaying what was, 
questioning what could have been…

There may be someone out there — 
ready for the version of you who has done the work, 
who has grown, 
who knows how to show up even better this time.

Someone who doesn’t need you to be perfect — 
just present.

But they won’t wait forever.

At some point, you have to decide — 
are you going to stay attached to a memory… 
or open yourself up to what’s still possible?

Love takes Courage and a Box of Kleenex

Have you ever been addicted to something? Have you ever suffered extreme loss? What about fears? Do you fear anything so much that it haunts you or shuts you down? There is a song on the radio that made me realize that love is just as powerful as any drug out there (watch the video below). Music is powerful. It can trigger memories, feelings and instincts. Love, however, takes you to your highest high and also your lowest low. You put your faith and trust in your significant other and sometimes with no warning you are left alone. This causes feelings of abandonment and insecurity. It causes us to close down and a little piece of us dies. Losing a loved one in a relationship is a huge cause of stress, whether it is a long term relationship or a marriage. You share memories, laughter, and intimacy with that person. Those memories are triggered for a long time to come and unfortunately cannot be turned off easily, which makes it difficult to move forward and to love again. But surrenduring to what is and knowing when to walk away is key! It allows you to open the door for what may be. 

Now, lets talk about the ego. It is extremely important to keep the ego in check when going through difficult times during a breakup. We go through every range of emotions from sadness to anger and everything in between. But, compassion is critical. Compassion is your desire to alleviate the suffering of others, or your feeling of sympathy toward others. In the case of a breakup, compassion toward your Ex can be difficult, but when we set the ego aside and realize why we loved that person to begin with it is a little easier. Try to maintain compassion. In the end you will feel better for it. Positivity attracts positivity. Your heart will heal faster as a result. Remember, always forgive and rise above. Holding grudges only hurts you more in the end.

So, grab a spoon and a pint of ice cream. Binge watch your favorite Netflix shows for a day and then get outside and go for a hike. Reconnect with the things you love to do. Stay plugged into your friends and family. This might be hard if you shared mutual friends, but make the effort. If need be have open communication with your Ex about how and when you will see friends so that you do not awkwardly show up at the same place at the same time. Respect each other as you move on. Sometimes zero communication, at least for a brief period, is easier. Other times treating each other as business partners helps the transition. You will find what works best. Please just watch what you say because although words can be forgiven, they cannot be forgotten and it is easy to say things we do not mean when our emotions are elevated. 

You WILL be ok despite the fact that you don’t feel like it at the moment. Everything feels better when you are in love. Do not close down to the possibility of loving again. When we hit rock bottom, we bounce back up and sometimes twice as high, meaning we end up with a better ending. You are the author and the architect of your life. So, write a new chapter. Add new characters. Try new things. Remember, you have a purpose and you are worth it. Keep moving forward and don’t lose your way. All of our roadblocks, bumps and bruises make us stronger, build our character, and give depth to our soul. They help give meaning to our lives and help us to better understand others, which help us to connect. 

F.L.Y. First love yourself. Spend some time alone. Prepare yourself for your next true love by fully loving yourself. Make as many self improvements as you can. Be very honest about what went wrong in your previous relationship ~ sometimes we can improve and sometimes we cannot, but it is always good to be aware. Accept the situation, forgive yourself and your EX, and when you are ready move forward with excitement and full compassion. The heart is resilient and will love again. It is the ego that will hold you back.

With love and acceptance,

Libby