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Stress is not an emotion.
If that statement irritates you, you’re not alone.
After all, people say they feel stressed every day. I know I do.
But lately I’ve been wondering if stress is often the label we apply to a collection of emotions we haven’t fully identified yet. So stick around…
When “How Are You?” Is More Than A Greeting
When my daughter was accepted to the University of Kentucky, we attended an orientation for incoming students. During one of the sessions, several seniors invited a handful of freshmen onto the stage. My daughter happened to be one of them.
The students were asked a simple but powerful question:
“What is one text your parents send that makes you feel loved and supported?”
As the microphone moved from student to student, the answers varied. Some mentioned words of encouragement. Others talked about their parents checking in before exams or important events.
When the microphone reached my daughter, she said:
“My mom asks how I am. And I know she really wants to know.”
That answer stayed with me.
When was the last time someone asked how you were and genuinely wanted to know?
Not as a greeting.
Not out of habit.
Not because it felt polite.
But because they were truly interested in hearing the answer.
Most of us ask, “How are you?” dozens of times each week. Yet many of our conversations follow a predictable pattern.
“How have you been?”
“Good.”
“Busy.”
“Tired.”
“Stressed.”
And then we move on.
Lately, I’ve become fascinated by that last answer.
Stressed.
The Emotional Catch-All Called Stress
It’s one of the most common responses I hear, especially in today’s world.
And to be fair, there is no shortage of things that can create stress. Financial strain. Family struggles. Divorce. Work pressure. Health concerns. Relationship challenges. The constant demands of everyday life.
But I often wonder if stress has become an umbrella word for emotions we haven’t fully identified.
When someone says they are stressed, what do they really mean?
Are they overwhelmed?
Scared?
Lonely?
Heartbroken?
Feeling abandoned?
Grieving?
Angry?
Worried about the future?
Sometimes people use the word stress because they don’t want to burden others with the full story. Giving the short version feels easier.
Other times, I think they genuinely haven’t stopped long enough to examine what is happening beneath the surface.
The truth is that emotional experiences are often more complicated than we realize.
What Might Be Hiding Beneath Stress?
Imagine asking a friend how they are and hearing the familiar response:
“Honestly? I’ve been really stressed.”
Most conversations end there.
“Yeah, me too.”
“Life is crazy.”
“Hang in there.”
But what if we became a little more curious?
“What are you stressed about?”
Now the conversation changes.
Maybe they say:
“My daughter hasn’t returned my calls in weeks.”
Suddenly we realize the issue may not be stress at all.
It might be worry.
Fear.
Sadness.
Or even grief.
The more specific we become about what we are feeling, the better we understand ourselves. And the better we understand ourselves, the better we can communicate with the people we care about.
The Power Of One More Question
I also wonder if part of the problem is that many people don’t believe anyone truly wants to know how they are doing.
We’ve become so accustomed to quick greetings and surface-level conversations that genuine curiosity sometimes feels rare.
Yet feeling heard is one of the most powerful gifts we can give another person.
Sometimes people don’t need advice.
They don’t need solutions.
They don’t need someone to immediately compare experiences.
They simply need someone willing to stay in the conversation long enough to understand what is really going on.
One thoughtful question can transform a casual exchange into a meaningful conversation.
Why Connection Matters
Curiosity creates connection.
When people feel safe enough to share what is really happening beneath the surface, walls begin to come down. Conversations become more meaningful. Relationships become stronger.
In a world that often feels rushed, distracted, and disconnected, being truly heard can be incredibly comforting.
Connection is something many of us crave, whether we realize it or not.
We want to know that someone cares enough to stay curious about our experience rather than settling for the easy answer.
Sometimes that simple act of curiosity can make another person feel seen, understood, and valued.
Final Thoughts
The next time someone asks how you are, challenge yourself to go a little deeper than “good,” “busy,” or “stressed.”
And when someone you care about says they are stressed, consider asking one more question.
You may discover that what they are really feeling is fear, grief, loneliness, disappointment, overwhelm, or uncertainty.
My daughter taught me that years ago with a simple answer at a college orientation. People feel loved when they know someone genuinely wants to know how they are doing.
She didn’t say she felt loved because I always had the right answers.
She didn’t say she felt loved because I solved her problems.
She said she felt loved because I asked how she was and genuinely wanted to know.
Sometimes the most meaningful thing we can offer another person isn’t advice or solutions.
It’s our attention.
It’s our curiosity.
It’s our willingness to listen long enough to hear the story beneath the word “stressed.”
And sometimes, simply knowing someone cares is enough to lighten some of that heaviness. We may not be able to solve another person’s problems, but we can remind them they don’t have to carry them alone.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. How are you today? I truly want to know and would love for you to comment and let me know how you are feeling or how your day is going.
Peace & Light,
Libby
