Let’s talk for a minute about happy relationships! We hear so much about narcissism and failed relationships, but what about the good stories? I still believe in a good old fashioned love story.
Do not tolerate being treated like you are an option. Whether you are a man or a woman- you deserve to be a priority in your significant other’s life.
Speak up and communicate before resentment builds. Discuss your boundaries with each other and also have a bottom line. Do not be afraid to enforce that and walk away when your needs are not being met. That is not selfish it is self-respect!
In a healthy relationship you should be able to discuss concerns. There should be respect and admiration for each other. Provide a safe place where your significant other can be vulnerable and come to you with their fears and concerns and likewise be sure you feel comfortable communicating yours. It may be a big red flag if you cannot.
What is not nourished in a relationship will eventually die. The emotional and intellectual aspects of a relationship are very important and need to be fed and taken care of. Otherwise, one or both people will likely look outside of the relationship to have those needs fulfilled causing even bigger problems and potentially leading to an affair.
You know you are in a healthy relationship when:
· Acceptance: you both accept yourself and each other exactly as you are without wanting to change anything. You love your partner flaws and all.
· Security: you protect each other and have each other’s back through thick and thin. You KNOW your partner would do anything for you.
· Laughter: you laugh and are playful and have a sense of adventure together. You never have to worry about looking silly because your partner loves that about you. You enjoy similar things and there is a sense of ease. You enjoy daily life together.
· Disagreements: you can respectfully disagree without putting each other down, name calling, or disrespecting. You can still honor your own opinions and point of view.
· Space: you are comfortable doing things apart and independently as well as doing things as a couple. You can give each other space because you have complete trust.
· Loyalty: you are incredibly loyal to each other. You would rather see each other than anyone else and you would never risk losing this person.
I believe that when two people both are completely committed and put equal effort into the relationship it will work. The Gottman Method suggests that bids for attention often go unnoticed by partners and are incredibly important. It is not “just a text” it is your partner reaching out and telling you “I am thinking of you, and I need your attention right now.” Pay attention to those.
Prioritize intimacy and sex! Do not let kids stop you or stop because you are aging. Continue to always date each other. Keep it fresh and interesting. Maybe take turns planning a date night once a month.
Show interest in each other’s worlds! Intellectual and emotional connection is very important in a relationship. If we do not get this connection with our partner we are likely to stray. This is where, a lot of infidelity begins. So, talk to your partner and take interest.
Support each other’s growth. Consider trying new hobbies together or individually.
Finally, when conflict or problems arise remember, you are in the foxhole together. You are working on the same team to resolve the conflict. So, start by asking what you want to accomplish. Then use “I statements” to initiate conversation. Such as, “I am frustrated when…..” “I love when you…..” “And I would love to see…”
Remember to build your partner up rather than break them down. Words can be forgiven, but not forgotten. Relationships are intended to help us achieve the best version of ourselves. If the person you are with is draining your energy, then you cannot achieve that goal.
Love & Light,
Libby
P.S. When your own confidence is high it is much easier to be confident in a solid relationship. If you feel your self-esteem needs a little boost please take my online course by registering here today. It is not very time consuming and will add tremendous value to your life.