Grief comes in many forms. We grieve when we break up with someone or get divorced, we grieve when we lose a job, we grieve the loss of a pet, we grieve the loss of our best friend when we get in an argument, but perhaps what comes to mind most commonly when we think of grief is the undeniable sadness and depression felt when we lose the life of someone we love.
Coping with the loss of a close loved one may be one of the most difficult challenges we have to endure. Losing a spouse, sibling, child, or parent can be particularly difficult and be considered traumatic causing fatigue and insomnia. Allowing yourself to grieve is an important process and comes in waves sometimes long after your loved one has passed.
Everyone reacts differently to death. We each have our own personal coping mechanisms. Grief is not linear, in fact, it creeps in when we least expect it. There are five basic stages of grief that are generally experienced, although in no particular order.
5 Stages of Grief
1. Denial: “This cannot be happening”
2. Anger: “Why is this happening to me”
3. Bargaining: “I will do anything to fix this”
4. Depression: “Why should I go on”
5. Acceptance: “I’m going to be O.K.”
It is completely normal to experience grief in random order and to circle back around. Allow your emotions to flow freely free from judgement. Emotions you may not expect may surface and those are alright too. It may help to talk to a close friend, family member, or therapist. Part of accepting your loved one’s death is also finding meaning and learning to continue to honor their life as well as to continue to live your own life. It is easy to want to shut down and stop living, especially when you have lost a child or a spouse, but your loved one would want you to continue to live your life fully with purpose.
Helpful Tips to Process Grief
Talk about the death of the person you loved
Accept your feeling and emotions
Practice self-care and take time for yourself
Spend time with loved ones and allow yourself to enjoy yourself
Celebrate your loved one
So often we feel like we have to be so sad after a loved one dies and that is a very natural response, but remember to also celebrate that life and allow yourself to feel joy as well as pain. We want to honor the life and the soul of the person we lost and when we can do that it will in turn help us to heal. Hold space and remember them with integrity and love.
I lost my dad this past January at the age of 90 years. My mom, brother, sister, and I were all surrounding him as he took his last breath peacefully in his home. It was a beautiful experience, but I still have tears streaming down my cheeks as I type that. We are never ready to let go. Especially of the ones who lift us up, inspire us, and make us feel so loved. My dad was one of the great ones who was loved by the whole community. But, because of that he is a legend and will always be remembered with honor.
The grief hits me in the strangest times. Sometimes I have a five-minute happy cry because I remember a time of laughter that was so precious. It is all cleansing and healthy though so I embrace it and I believe our souls will meet again. Until then, I believe he watches over us each day and I honor his memory.
We are naturally resilient, and we are born to bounce back. Go easy on yourself as you heal these painful wounds. You will be O.K. These difficult times force us to turn inward which allows us to find a strength we may have otherwise never known we possessed. You are indeed stronger than you know. You will rise from this victoriously and your loved one would be very proud of you. Until then, put one foot in front of the other, one day at a time.
Peace and love,
Libby
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