The relationships that we form with our parents or caregivers in our early childhood years bear a lot of influence on our attachment styles, levels of trust, and feelings of worth later in our lives. If you were not consistently seen or valued for who you were growing up, you might feel triggered as an adult when you feel misunderstood or unheard. Likewise, if your parent ridiculed you in childhood years, you may have a difficult time making decisions. Many people are raised by toxic parents who are neglectful, narcissistic, abusive, or have substance abuse problems. The problem is that if you are raised by a toxic parent you may have inner child wounds that you are not even aware of because they have been buried so deep in your subconscious as a way of survival, but may carry over into your relationships and cause patterns of betrayal, rejection, and abandonment.
A difficult childhood does not have to lead to a difficult adulthood. Narcissistic parents for example, put a lot of shame and blame on their children when in reality they were the adult and that was projection of how they actually felt about themselves. You are no no longer under control of your parents. Awareness is the catalyst for change. It is never too late to recreate the life you love, add and delete characters, and try new things and create new improved habits. You and you alone are accountable for what you do from this day forward with your life. It is very important to find a way to love and honor yourself and forgive the pain of your childhood to make space for new growth and expansion.
Let go of the need to please others and adopt the need to please yourself. You were likely programmed to feel guilty growing up and you wanted to do things to please your parents because you so desperately wanted their attention and approval. You may even struggle to express your emotions now because it was uncomfortable to do so in front of your parents. It is so important in the healing journey that you now remind yourself that your inner child is safe, and it is ok to feel every emotion as it rises to the surface. Simply feel it to heal it and know that each emotion is temporary. If it is extremely unpleasant, consider shifting into a more joyful place by putting music on you enjoy, lighting a candle, going outside, or calling a loved one.
In addition to improving your self esteem you will want to create some other positive habits to ensure you do not repeat the toxic cycle and take the subconscious wounds into your relationships, which could self sabotage your own happiness.
How to Re-Invent Yourself After Being Raised by a Narcissist
Create boundaries
Say loving affirmations to yourself in the mirror each day like, “I am worthy of love”
Write loving journal notes to yourself practicing full acceptance
Connect with a group of supportive people
Learn to trust yourself, a professional therapist may be very helpful with this
Rise above. You are worthy of joy, love and happiness
Peace and Light,
Libby
P.S. I hope you will join my upcoming online workshop Overcoming Trauma & Anxiety to Create the Life You love and Deserve. There are two more days to register for the early bird pricing of $45 The price will increase to $75 this Friday night 3/19/21 The Workshop begins Monday March 29th and you will find all details about it by clicking on the link and going to the course outline! Thank you for taking the time to read this blog.