How to Practice Empathetic Listening to Strengthen Relationships

Do you practice empathetic listening in your relationship?

Communication is a critical component in successful relationships.

The thing is you do not necessarily have to be a good communicator, you just need to be kind, caring, and willing to try! Showing your partner you can actively listen with understanding and patience and that you truly care about what they are saying will go a long way. There may even be times when you do not understand and you disagree, but you can feel where they are coming from and still listen with empathy.

Remember, you are always in the foxhole with your partner. You always have their back. Stay grateful for one another and show that gratitude daily in simple ways. When you disagree do so in a way that is still respectful and does not hurt anyone’s feelings. Words can be forgiven, but not often forgotten.

Empathetic Listening:

1. Listen to understand- Know that this is not about YOU. Listen purposefully. Try to understand what is being said and not just what is relevant to you. Repeat back what was said paraphrasing what you heard to be sure you understood. Give your partner the chance to clarify if you missed anything. If at anytime in conversation you feel triggered by a negative feeling or emotion, try to stay present in the conversation, and focus on listening. Call a respectful time out if it gets to the point where you can no longer focus your attention.

2. Ask open ended questions- avoid providing solutions. Sometimes people just want to talk to clear their mind and are not looking for answers. Instead, show interest by gathering more information. Ask relevant questions, keeping the discussion about the idea or issue at hand.

3. Avoid distractions- put phones and computers away before starting the conversation. Turn the T.V. And music off. Give your full attention. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. If you get distracted by other thoughts bring your awareness back to the present conversation.

4. Practice Non-Judgement- watch for preconceived ideas about the topic being discussed and never criticize. Remember, you are on the same team.

5. Watch Non Verbal Communication- much of what we say is through body language and tone of voice. Be sure to sit in a relaxed way with fists and hands relaxed. Try to talk in slow calm tones so that the information can be better perceived. Eye contact can be very helpful in facilitating a deeper connection. Please do not try to guess or jump ahead to what your partner is going to try to say no matter how well you feel you can finish his or her sentence.
   

When we talk about empathetic communication it is important to know it applies to all relationships, not just romantic ones. So, when you gather with family over the holidays remember to embrace these five tips- especially if it is a story you may have heard for the umpteenth time!

Thank you for reading and listening to my thoughts. Stay warm and bright!

Light & Love,

Libby

Ten Tips for Manifestation

Are you familiar with the Law of Attraction and how to use it to manifest your goals, dreams, and intentions?

The Law of Attraction is basically the the ability to attract whatever we focus on albeit positive or negative. It is said to be the most powerful law of the universe and it works for relationships, money, joy, health, career, and whatever else you seek. Just like gravity it is always in effect. In essence what we believe we will achieve.

Knowing what we want to achieve is the first step. We need to get very clear about our vision. If we do not know where we want to go, how can we get there? Setting a clear vision is critical. The universe will respond and reward that clarity. So here are the ten steps for manifestation!

1. Positive affirmations- Some examples are, “I know my worth.” “ I am worthy of accomplishing my goals” “ I will receive abundance.”

2. Scripting- Write the story of exactly how you want your life to be as if it has already happened. Be very detailed and clear.

3. Have a deep belief and conviction in your affirmations and vision ( if you do not believe it, it will not work. You cannot fool the universe. )

4. Be purposeful with your thoughts and actions aligning them with your goals.

5. What you focus on the universe will deliver to you. So keep your eye on the prize.

6. Your thoughts become your outcome. Double check and carefully curate what you think about.

7. Be true to who you are and do not seek external validation.

8. Always trust your intuition and stay flexible with your plan. Life is not linear.

9. Create small goals and large goals. Set yourself up for success. Do not procrastinate.

10. Surround yourself with successful positive people.

Dream, Believe, Achieve….romance, vacations, health, and wealth. All is possible.

Remember that we cannot fool the universe and the Law of Attraction is powerful. If you try to manifest while in low or negative vibration you will only attract more negativity.

You might ask how does one manifest positive, or better things, if they are homeless, without a job, or just got dumped. Well, the best way to get into a place of higher vibration is to practice gratitude. Do anything you can to sincerely get to a positive place before you try to manifest and then it will be effective and the universe will magically respond.

Start with manifesting something small like a cup of coffee or a call from a friend you would love to hear from. It will bring so much joy and excitement. Then you will see you can manifest bigger more powerful intentions. Be the energy you want to attract!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I hope you all have a great weekend doing what you love with the ones you love and starting to manifest all your dreams ✨

Love & Light,

Libby

P.S. What are you interested in reading about next? Please comment below. Also I would love for you to hit the heart button if you enjoyed this post and follow me on instagram @levelupwithlibby.

Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?

How Healthy is Your Relationship?

Struggling relationships have become a very common thing in todays modern world. Cheating, lies, deceit, betrayal, manipulation, verbal, physical and emotional abuse, co-dependency, people looking for the other person to complete them which is simply not possible, and many other problems contribute to the turmoil in relationships. I am certain none of us want to fail our significant other so why are so many relationships struggling and falling apart? 

Sexual Freedom

The revolution of the 60’s brought sexual freedom that forever changed the dating scene. Sex before marriage was no longer taboo and there were no longer rules for dating. Then in the 90’s dating websites entered the picture. Now, between social media, Tinder, Bumble, Plenty of Fish, and all the other sites we are engulfed in a culture of hook ups, temptations, one night stands and people who are jaded by past break ups, parents who suffered bad marriages and insecurities. You might have a great relationship and still have some mild paranoia and trust issues. 

Are you Being Emotionally Abused?

We should always treat our significant other with honesty, loyalty, and respect. If your loved one starts talking down to you or disrespecting you in anyway that is unacceptable. Our partner should never parent us, shame us, put us down, belittle us, or make us feel as if we cannot do anything right. The purpose of a relationship is to elevate each other so that we can reach our highest potential. Hurt people hurt people. In some cases there is an underlying psychological problem such as narcissism. In the case where the abuser was abused as a child that deep wound often surfaces as them being abusive. They can seek help through therapy and anger management, but it takes very deep inner work and few are committed to doing it because it reopens painful wounds. Sometimes, as hard as it is, you have to walk away, have zero contact and never look back because that is the only way to take your power back and stop the person from crushing your soul. 

Emotional abuse is equally as damaging as physical abuse even though the wounds are not visible on the outside. It damages the soul, breaks down our confidence and self esteem, and makes us feel shamed. Sometimes the verbal and emotional abuse are obvious, but other times they are more subtle and manipulative and it may take you time to realize what is happening. If they gaslight you you may even feel crazy. If you recognize any of these traits in your relationship it would benefit you to seek therapy or counseling to rebuild your confidence. Then, spend time alone relearning who you are and doing things you enjoy. Finally, find a group of positive supportive people to surround yourself with who can inspire you and support you. 

How to Find the Right Person

With so much skepticism it is difficult to date. I talk to so many people who feel like marriage is horrible and love is hopeless. I will tell you from the bottom of my heart, I believe marriage can be the most wonderful union of two people. Maybe it takes two or even three tries to get it right, but I know I am not going to give up. I just know a lot more about what I am doing at 45 than I did at 21 that is for sure and I know far more about who I am as an individual. There are plenty of great men and women out there who still desire a respectful committed relationship. After spending some time alone take it slow. Be friends with someone first. Look for any red flags before taking it to a physical level. Set boundaries and communicate those and then be ready to walk away if they are violated. Be sure you can laugh and have fun with this person and they can regulate their emotions. Be sure you share the same values and visions in life. Look for someone who will have compassion for you and a willingness to work through problems and admit to mistakes. Remember, the purpose of a relationship is to help you reach your full potential in life.

There is no reason to get ugly and burn bridges.

When the Relationship has Fizzled; letting go with grace

When you feel like the relationship has fizzled out have the decency and respect to communicate with your significant other. Do not stay and build resentment in a relationship where you no longer desire to be. The worst is finding out through someone else that your significant other is with someone else. Yes, it happens all the time. Do not complicate things more by cheating. Honesty is the best policy. It may hurt up front, but it will make healing easier than betrayal. Both people ultimately deserve to be happy. Likewise, if and when it ends do not hold grudges and smear your ex’s name around and tell all the dirty secrets of your relationship. Let go with dignity and remember the admiration you had in the beginning. When you hold a grudge it only hurts yourself. Give yourself permission to forgive yourself and your ex when you are ready so that you can move forward and create space in your heart for whatever is coming your way. 

Love & Light,

Libby

P.S. I have started writing on Quora and would love for you to follow Level up in Life there. There are many other inspiring writers that share their stories on relationships as well as how to reduce stress on my page.

How to Survive and Thrive The Holidays of 2020

Holidays may look and feel different this year whether that is because of Covid-19 restrictions, a recent change in your relationship status, or because you are away from home for the first time. It is important to embrace the current situation the way it is, let go of past traditions and expectations, and create a new experience that feels right to you. 

Humans are naturally resistant to change and during the holidays we gravitate towards being mentally and emotionally on edge. Thanksgiving tends to be more laid back than some of the other holidays because it is mainly about football, food, and family. It is that last part that is conducive to some conflict and resistance though. Whether it is who makes the better green bean casserole or spending time with the in-laws holiday’s are likely to bring out the tension. They are especially stressful when you are going through a break-up, divorce, are in a toxic relationship, or are newly uncoupled. On top of it all, 2020 is throwing Covid-19 into the mix just to see how we really juggle our relationships and how good we are with patience and adjusting plans.

Navigating how to share children when they are involved is part of the difficulty. Try to do so with the interest of the children at heart. Be fair and try to make decisions as business partners so that emotions and ego do not get in the way and cause additional harm. Children find holidays magical and we do not want to take those priceless years and memories away because of our differences.

I remember the first year I was divorced. My ex and I were trying so hard to be amicable for the sake of the kids. He tried to include me in their dinner X-Mas eve and I just was not ready. My Parents also tried to include me in the family celebration and I was not ready. I needed to be alone and yet I was sad and somewhat angry I was home alone. I needed to process and work through those emotions though. I needed that time. I skipped my traditional routines and fixed myself a cheese platter for dinner with a glass of nice wine. I watched a movie and it turned out to be a great evening. After the kids got home, I tucked them in, read Twas the Night Before Christmas, and then wrapped the presents and went to bed. I was able to pull out of my funk after fully processing my emotions. Christmas Day was wonderful and I received the gift of healing. Remember to accept yourself where you are and allow your emotions to flow freely. There is no right or wrong way to cope during the holidays, especially the first one on your own.

This is a strange year for all of us with the limitations on gatherings. What is most important is to make the best of it in the way we can as individuals. My family will be FaceTiming with my sister’s family this year and with my niece. It is hard when extended family cannot all be together, but I am very grateful for technology. Wherever you are this year, know that you are never really alone. We joke that 2020 has been an awful year, but it has given us the opportunity to spend time alone, to reflect, to spend time together as a family, to work from home in many cases and all of these things are truly gifts. Prologed isolation is damaging, but we can still stay connected and very plugged in to one another. We are just finding more creative ways of doing so and at the same time becoming stronger as individuals and getting to know ourselves. 

Give thanks for what you have rather than what you do not have and the universe will provide even more. Great things are coming! Celebrate the victories and let go of what no longer serves you. Eat the leftovers and indulge in the pie. Live the life you love and love the life you live. That is what it is all about my friends. 

Many Thanks to YOU,

Libby

P.S. What are you doing this year for Thanksgiving? Please feel free to comment below. That is one way that we can come together collectively and eliminate some of the feelings of isolation. Sending you love and light as I indulge on my stuffing and pecan pie ( yes I love my carbs 😉).

Overcoming Seasonal Anxiety and Depression, The Pandemic and Beyond

Depression has tripled during the pandemic.

How are you feeling today? How often do you pause and check in with yourself to examine how you are really doing on a mental level? So often, we go along with the daily grind, we get asked how we are and we answer fine like robots but, are we? It is no wonder depression is rising at an alarming rate during the Pandemic with new social norms, parents having to suddenly become teachers, facing isolation again with another wave of potential lock downs, experiencing death of loved ones, and people who have had to either work from home or tragically have lost their jobs. On top of those major stressors, we are now going into the dark and blustery months of winter, where we typically see an increased 2-3% rate in seasonal affective disorder (SAD), which is a common type of depression. Most of us are definitely struggling this year, but some more seriously than others.

In my coaching experience I have been asked how to recognize the effects of stress and this is a great infographic.

Awareness of how you are doing and being honest with yourself is a really important step in staying healthy.

The duration and severity of seasonal affective disorder can vary significantly from individual to individual. We are in a time where it is critical we take care of ourselves both physically and mentally. Long term, or chronic stress not only causes depression, but also contributes to life altering illness such as heart disease, obesity, and neurodegenerative disorders. According to Mental Health America, mhanational.org, “ The number of people screening with moderate to severe symptoms of depression and anxiety has continued to increase throughout 2020 and remains higher than rates prior to Covid-19. In September 2020, the rate of moderate to severe anxiety peaked, with over 8 in 10 people who took an anxiety screening scoring with moderate to severe symptoms.”  It is important to know when it is more than mild or seasonal depression and to know when to seek help.

There is no doubt about it stress is bad for our health. The good news is there are things we can do to ease the symptoms. Take charge and stay on top of your wellness plan.

10 Ways to Ease Anxiety and Mild Seasonal Affective Disorder

1. Expose yourself to light (sit by the window, go outside, or consult your doctor about luxlight box therapy)

2. Maintain a healthy diet (soups, stews, foods high in vitamin C, roasted vegetables)

3. Stay Active (avoid the urge to sleep or stay inside. Try snowshoeing, sledding, yoga, or indoor activities like board games)

4. Journal

5. Laugh (consider watching a comedian)

6. Meditate 

7. Try a new hobby 

8. Listen to Weightless, by Marconi Union ( according to Mindlab International induces a 65% reduction in anxiety and 35% reduction in usual physiological resting rates)

9. Practice self care ( this might be a bubble bath, a manicure, a massage, a nice dinner out)

10. Know when to seek help National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255 YOU ARE NOT ALONE

I admit I prefer warmer weather, however, when my son was very young he would stand at the storm door and scream “out-side”. In fact those were two of his first words after the basics lol. He left me no choice but to take a trip to Dick’s Sporting Goods store and ask for the warmest coat and a pair of waterproof ski pants. I did not care what they looked like I just knew I was going to spend A LOT of time outside with my toddler. It turned out to be a ton of fun and I got in touch with my inner child. We made snow angels, had snowball fights, went for walks, and we both slept better than ever! Having the right outdoor wear makes all the difference in comfort and warmth. I did not spend a lot of money and it was well worth it. 

Remembering that everything is temporary helps keep our emotions in check. Never give up hope of better days.

We will all be overjoyed to reign in the New Year and kiss 2020 goodbye, but the truth is we have a lot of uncertainties left to deal with. The more proactive we can be with our health and wellness, the more equipped we are to handle and also enjoy the finer things life has to offer. So first, check in with yourself from time to time and practice good self care. Next, check in with friends and family. Make sure, even in these times of social isolation, that we stay connected via FaceTime, emails, texts, phone calls, and outdoor socially responsible visits. Practice random acts of kindness. Possibly even consider adopting a pet to bring you loving kindness, comfort and joy. Know that you are never alone. The good news is things are going to get better with patience and perseverence. We must remember to practice gratitude each day even for the smallest things. All great spiritual warriors realize that it is through the darkest times that we experience the most growth. Today, I am grateful for YOU. Thank you for stopping by to read this blog and just for being who you are in this world. You are special and you are loved.

With great hope and gratitude,

Libby

Reclaiming Self Love After a Breakup

Reclaiming Self Love and Independence After a Breakup

When a relationship ends you feel shattered and broken, but it is very important to acknowledge the fact that it is the relationship that is broken and you are still fundamentally whole. It is time to reclaim self love, rebuild your resilience, and re-establish your authentic voice. If you were in a toxic relationship you have probably given your power away for a very long time. One of the biggest things we initially miss is the physical touch, the hug, that person who was always by our side. You might have the temptation to return to your ex or to have a fling, but those are destructive behaviors that will cause even more pain and heartache. I would strongly encourage you to spend this time alone and rebuilding yourself rather than compromise your own healing process.

It is very normal to dread doing things alone after a break up, but try to embrace it. You might feel like the “third wheel” joining friends, but go anyway and be ok doing things alone as well. Remove all the masks you have been wearing from previous programming and get to know yourself. Try new activities or revisit ones you have not experienced in awhile. It often takes hardships to discover the very best part of ourselves. We go through dark trying times and then come out better than ever.

I did not show up in my own life until after I had had my own kids. I was 30 years old and ran my first full marathon. It was that experience that allowed me to grow and realize that I could be myself and not just who my parents wanted me to be. After that I began my yoga journey and evolved even further. Eventually, I outgrew my marriage and found my authentic voice. After my divorce I went through a really dark time, I made all the mistakes, and then picked myself up, found an even deeper strength and chose to reinvent myself. I now know that I had to experience all of that to truly be able to put all the pieces together in my life, find deep understanding, and I now can help others. Without that dark night of the soul moment I would not be where I am. So I have complete gratitude for all of the breakups and heartache.

Healing takes time and patience. When you experience the dark night of the soul you feel lonely and sad and thats ok. But, I am here to tell you that it is temporary and it gets so much better. So please my friends, use the time to get to know, honor, and love yourself . Determine what it is you really enjoy doing and then do more of that. Explore what your best traits are. Determine what values are important to you. And then practice self compassion. Go easy on yourself as you are healing from the heartache of this break up. It may feel like you are even mourning the death of a loved one, it hurts so badly, and that is ok. Allow yourself to feel all those emotions as long as you do not remain stuck there.

Love and accept yourself before you can love and be loved.

For you men out there, sometimes expressing your feelings is harder than it is for women or at least openly talking about it. Having a social group, or even a therapist, to be able to open up to often helps get our feelings off of our chest. For all of us though, it is important to feel our feelings and to express those in constructive ways because when we shove them down inside that’s when they build and then we end up with resentment and negative energy. Please seek counseling if you feel you are depressed or struggling to function. Only when you show up and know who you really are and what you value can you eventually show up for a future partner. 

Be aware of the inner dialogue occurring in your mind. Question your inner critic. Sometimes our fight or flight response causes our thoughts to become distorted. Finally, set boundaries. Go back to that list you created of values and things that are important to you. Also look at areas that were problematic in your previous relationship. Set boundaries that will help prevent you from being hurt again. Anyone who respects you will respect your boundaries as well.

10 Ways to Cultivate Confidence

1. List your strengths

2. Try new hobbies

3. Explore your interests

4. Practice positive self talk

5. Question the inner critic

6. Accept compliments

7. Set boundaries

8. Practice self love and care

9. Recognize triggers and learn coping mechanisms

10. Ditch the drama and chaos

PC:Paul Garrett, Total Soulful Journey

Give yourself the love you need. No one can ever take that away from you. You will no longer need outside validation and you will feel a stronger sense of confidence. People will be more attracted to you because they will feel your positive energy. From this place of self love and centeredness you will then be ready to move forward and date again. When that time comes take it slowly. Learn to trust yourself. Do not go diving straight into taking someone home to meet your family or going on vacation together. Consider short dates where you can talk and get to know each other. Build a friendship and make sure you enjoy activities together and share the same values. Discuss your boundaries and be very clear about what those look like. You deserve to be loved and to be treated with respect, loyalty, and honesty. If you remain single that is ok too, after all, you do not have to share your last bite of cake with anyone that way!

Light & Love,

Libby

P.S. I welcome you to comment below on how you feel about this post or about topics you would like to know more about! I appreciate you taking the time to read this and I welcome you to follow my instagram page @levelupwithlibby and join along in our community! Reach out if you would like a coaching consultation and stay tuned for my upcoming class on Breaking Free from Toxic Relationships to Live the Live you Love

Signs of Toxic Relationships and How to Break Free

Identifying Toxic Relationships and Knowing When to Leave

Relationships can be fantastic when they are healthy, but unfortunately we are seeing a trend where over half of long term relationships today are toxic. Sometimes people carry unhealed wounds from their past that continue to project pain. Sometimes the problems stem from the fact that the relationship was entered into before one or both of the individuals loved and accepted themselves. As a relationship coach, I believe it all begins with awareness. Then, we must love and accept ourselves before we can love and be fully loved by another. No one is going to complete us or be our other half. Happiness is an inside job. However, A relationship is intended to help us grow into the best version of ourselves. The person we choose to spend our life with should be someone who allows us to make mistakes, who forgives us when we mess up because we will, and who accepts us the way we are. They should make us feel safe as we continue to learn, respect and encourage us to keep expanding, and love us free from expectations. They should be our biggest cheerleader and our most gentle critic. Likewise, it should be a symbiotic relationship where we do the same for our partner with equal respect and enthusiasm. We should never put our partner down, especially in front of others and ditch the bickering.

Unfortunately, many people, both men and women, enter a relationship with the best intentions and then a few months down the road realize the relationship has changed and does not feel good any longer, but instead of leaving stay in a toxic relationship. In 2020, according to mentalhelp.net, 87% of men and women have experienced an emotionally abusive relationship. Identifying a toxic relationship can be difficult because the emotionally abusive person often uses gaslighting which makes the abused partner literally feel crazy. Sometimes it is more subtle like isolation or just nothing getting resolved in arguments. As a coach, I have heard women say they finally had the courage to leave a toxic relationship only to have people shame or blame them for being the one to break up the marriage. Little did people understand the silent abuse she had taken for years. So even if you are reading this and you are in a healthy relationship, please educate yourself and know the signs of a toxic relationship so that you can be an advocate for your friends. 

13 Signs of a Toxic Relationship

1. Feels bad all the time

2. You avoid voicing your opinion because there is just no point

3. Effort is one sided

4. One person is “score keeper”

5. Physical, verbal, or emotional abuse

6. Passive aggressive behavior

7. Manipulation

8. Overly judgmental

9. Nothing gets resolved

10. Lack of privacy

11. Lack of respect for boundaries

12. Lies, deceit, lack of trust

13. Isolation

Before you think of leaving a toxic relationship it is very important to rebuild your self confidence. Most likely your partner has, on some level, broken you down, but YOU are not broken. Therapy, counseling, or coaching are very helpful in rebuilding your self esteem. Next, I strongly encourage a good support system of friends and or family. This can even be in the form of a support group on Facebook of other people who have been through a similar relationship. Support and connection are critical in overcoming toxic relationships and helping find strength in times of weakness. Then, prioritize yourself. You have probably been a people pleaser or self sacrificing. Get to know yourself. Spend time doing things you enjoy. Do not allow yourself to get drained. Then once you feel your energy start to rise, start asking yourself what stories keep repeating in your relationships? Then ask yourself what choices you are making that are contributing. This way you begin to take responsibility and you take your power back. You will begin to see how you will make different choices in the future to break the cycle. Next, it will be important to forgive your partner. This may be difficult and it may take time. You do not even need to voice the forgiveness to your partner, just give the gift of forgiveness to yourself so that you are free to move forward. Do not rush this step. Sometimes journalling helps. Until you are able to forgive, you will carry this into a future relationship though and the cycle of toxicity will continue. So, forgiveness is crucial. Harboring a grudge will only harm you. 

Setting boundaries will protect you from being walked on by friends, family and in future relationships. Do not hesitate to set and keep firm boundaries. If someone does not respect your boundaries that is a sure sign they do not respect you. Next, do an inventory of what personal values are important to you. This will help prioritize what you want in life. And finally, Get clarity on what you really want. I want you to visualize every detail and dream really big. That beautiful clear picture is what you deserve. 

How to Break Free From Toxic Relationships

• Establish a strong support group 

• Stop Self Sacrificing

• Rebuild your self esteem and confidence

• Prioritize your self

• Take responsibility

• Forgive the past to make room for the future

• Set boundaries

• Do an inventory of personal values

• Get clarity on what you really want in life 

Some relationships can be saved and corrected with coaching or therapy and effort. But please know that not all relationships work out. No matter how much you love the person, if the relationship is extremely toxic, or if the if the other person is emotionally unavailable or abusive in any way, you cannot make the relationship healthy. It is ok to do what is best for yourself. Reclaim your life. In some cases you will not get the closure you may need. You may need to block that person completely and give yourself closure. Proceed slowly, forgive yourself, forgive your partner, and take the time you need to heal. 

Love and hugs,

Libby

P.S. I would love to hear from you in the comments. I welcome your personal stories as well as your input. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog. Wishing you love and light!

Find Your Freedom, Spread Your Wings, and Fly Like an Eagle

Find Your Freedom & Spread Your Wings

Do you feel called to make a major change in your life? Fall is a great time to let go of what no longer serves us and to prepare for what is coming. Maybe you feel your relationship is coming to an end but you are afraid to take that final stand and break up. The thought of being on your own can be scary and down right daunting. All great changes are superseded by chaos. Give yourself permission to take your life back. If you are not living the life you had dreamed then stop where you are, hit the pause button, and recreate it. When you hold a vision of your goals, you set an intention, and the timing is right, go for it without hesitation. The majestic Bald Eagle symbolizes loyalty, devotion, freedom, truth, and the divine. You deserve all of these wonderful qualities and they have been deep within you all along. You deserve to spread your wings and soar with ease and freedom just like the eagle, but sometimes you just need to step out from where you currently are and take a look at your life from a different perspective. Never let anyone hold you back from achieving your greatest good.

The Eagle symbolizes man’s connection with the divine because it flies higher than any other bird. It signifies inspiration and the release from bondage and all that holds us down. It is a sure sign of victory and freedom. But the eagle also reminds us that no bird can stay in the air forever. They must come back to earth. The eagle has four toes. In numerology, 4 is the number of solid foundations. By returning to earth the eagle stays grounded with Mother Earth and when he soars he returns to the heavens above. Therefore, he maintains his ability to fly high and yet stay grounded. As above, so below. A great reminder of our connection with all things, our oneness with the universe.  

In many ways, the idea of the eagle soaring above reminds me of my dream world and all the magical possibilities that I hope will someday come true. The grounded nature of the eagle reminds me of my current real world which fortunately for me is not all that bad. But, its always good and great fun to dream bigger and to hope for more, that is what keeps us going and gives us motivation, right? And for some of us more than others. In another way, the eagle soaring high symbolizes breaking the bondage of all that held me down previously where I am now able to soar freely and fly effortlessly. Many years ago, when I was in a very unhappy toxic relationship and feeling stuck. I could not even put my finger on what was really wrong. Now that I am on the other side it is very clear that I was being emotionally manipulated and abused and it was so slight and often behind closed doors that it took a very long time for others to finally notice. It took even longer for me to finally wake up and realize what was happening and gain the strength to take my power back. My spirit was being broken and dimmed with each insult, each lie, and each time I told a story that was made fun of, or when I was talking and he would just walk out of the room completely disrespecting what I was saying. I finally gained the courage and left that relationship and I am now that eagle soaring free and I feel connected with the divine within me. Now that I am on the other side I am able to see clearly and it makes me sad when I see others in abusive relationships. All I can do is create awareness in others because each individual has to take their power back and do the work themselves. This is now my life mission. I want to empower others to give themselves permission to take their lives back. To create the life they love and to let their light shine bright.

October is Domestic Abuse Awareness Month. 

Domestic Abuse includes physical, verbal, and emotional abuse. If you feel anyone you know is being abused offer a helping hand and a listening ear. It is a terrible battle and it is very hard to talk about and come forward with. I know because I lived it. But once we bring darkness into the light it can no longer hurt us. If you need help call 1-800-799-7233. With COVID 19 Domestic Violence cases sadly are even higher than usual. As of April 18, 2020 there were 690,714 reported cases and 35,443 deaths in the US. 1 in 4 women are the victim of severe physical violence and almost half of all women and men have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner according to the Domestic Violence Hotline. THIS IS A MAJOR PROBLEM!

So take the lessons from the eagle. Save your energy when you can. Hone in on the vision you want to create for your future. The eagle has a great sense of timing and you want to mimic that. Put your heart and mind into your vision and you will fly high into your wildest dreams. Just as the eagle, you will tune into your golden opportunities and grab them while they are within reach. Do not waste your time on people or things that do not bring you closer to your goals or make you a stronger better person. No one will complete us the way that movies romanticize. Relationships should increase our mental and emotional well being though. Relationships are intended to help us grow into the best version of ourselves. They hold a mirror up to the best and worst parts of us so that we can grow and evolve. They are intended to be accepting, trusting, and respectful partnerships.

7 Highly Effective Habits of Eagles

1. Eagles flock together

2. Eagles have a strong vision

3. Eagles do not eat dead things 

4. Eagles Love the storm. Other birds flee, but eagles fly into it using the wind to rise higher

5. Eagles test before trust in

6. Eagles Train their children to maturity

7. Eagles retire until new feathers grow

*PLEASE TAKE A MINUTE TO WATCH THE FOLLOWING YOUTUBE VIDEO WHICH WILL HELP DEEPEN YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF THESE EFFECTIVE HABITS. IT IS VERY INSPIRATIONAL.

The Truth Will Set You Free

Freedom begins in the mind. Do not get shackled by fear, or by pain, or shame from the past. Do not settle for a limited life. You were designed to soar high and fly free. Sometimes responsibility may feel like it weighs us down but the eagle being monogamous, loyal, and truthful, reminds us that when we live in truth we have the power to soar higher than we ever could have imagined. 

To live in truth not only means to speak honestly, but also not to be delusional about who we are as individuals, or in regard to relationships. It is very important to be honest with ourselves and to know when our significant other may no longer be treating us with the respect we deserve. We have to stand up for ourselves. Sometimes the relationship can be saved and that is extremely admirable. But, in the case of emotional abuse it rarely can and you have to stand up for yourself because the abusive person will rarely change. So, take your power back and know your worth. Seek counseling to build your own esteem back up and rebuild your independence. Just like the eagle you are one with the divine and you are strong and courageous. You will soar once your words and actions are in alignment and you are living your truth. You will be free and travel far with a soul full of light and a heart full of love. And, when you are ready, you will find a companion that is worthy of your divine glory and partnership.

With Open Wings,

Libby

10 Ways to Increase Resilience and Improve Mental Endurance

Mental Endurance

When we hear the word endurance we often think of long physical events like a marathon. But, even in those last few of the 26.2 miles it becomes every bit as much of a mental challenge as a physical challenge. How often do you assess your mental endurance? Resilience is our mental ability to recover from misfortune and to stay positive in trying times. I like to think that people who are highly resilient have high mental endurance because they are able to persevere through the difficulties in life by using self discipline and will power. According to Psychology Today, “Resilience is the ineffable quality that allows some people to be knocked down by life and come back stronger than ever. Rather than letting them drain their resolve, they find a way to rise from the ashes.” 

When your roots are firmly planted in faith, love, and family storms may shake you but they won’t knock you down. This is one very resilient, brave, and determined young woman and her momma is very proud of her.

Characteristics of Resilient People

• Independent/ self sufficient/ authentic

• The ability to regulate emotions

• They have Rational thought process

• Confident

• Optimistic even in trying times

• High emotional intelligence

• Knows their purpose in life

• Good sense of humor

• Loving & compassionate

• Flexible mind

In general, one must be aware of themselves and their surroundings. They must be able to manage their thoughts, feelings, and emotions effectively and be able to communicate those to others. And, Someone who is resilient knows that life will always change and they expect the ups and downs and ebbs and flows. For people who are naturally resilient, it is not about life being easy. It is about experiencing all of the negative events in life, but still staying optimistic, hopeful, and high functioning. Those who are naturally resilient have the capacity to manage strong emotions and feelings and the skills to problem solve and communicate even while those emotions are heightened. It is the special gift and ability to remain calm under pressure and regulate stress levels. If this does not come naturally to you there are ways to increase your mental endurance, or resiliency. 

10 Ways to Increase Resilience

1. Allow yourself to feel every emotion free from judgement

2. Be mindful of your wellness emotionally and physically

3. Journal goals, thoughts, and feelings

4. Have a strong support system

5. Process your emotions with a therapist

6. Get adequate rest and down time

7. Find your sense of purpose and consider giving back to others 

8. Practice self care

9. Develop problem solving skills

10. Establish reasonable short and long term goals and take action

My daughter, Morgan, and her service dog, Beacon ( her Beacon of light and hope) in the Neurology wing of Cleveland Clinic’s Main Campus.

I consider myself to be highly resilient with a good sense of humor and I have sure needed it recently as life has thrown every challenge possible my way. In fact, just this week I was a couple hours north at Cleveland Clinic with my daughter who is undergoing tests to try to find out what is causing numbness that seems to be spreading from her toes, legs and now hands, and vision disturbances. We are seeing a Neuromuscular specialist and I have faith we will get to the bottom of it. But there were a series of things that went wrong and for someone who was not resilient it may have been bad. With the Presidential Debate in town and roads blocked, a mishap with an appointment, and then our GPS taking us to our home address in CANADA rather than Ohio we simply laughed hysterically as we passed the Pennsylvania sign. All we could do was turn around and get back on going south. You see, it is all about mindset and perspective. The ability to bounce back and to make the best of every situation. Yes, I get frustrated sometimes, but it does not do any good to stew and stress. Life is far more fun when we are laughing and making the best of it. So think of yourself as a highly trained mental athlete, if you will, and train yourself to increase your resiliency.

Light & Love,

Libby

P.S. Happy October 1st! New month, new opportunities to grow, learn and improve! Did you know October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month? Domestic Violence Includes verbal, emotional and physical abuse in children and adults. Stake a stand, be a voice ❤️ Domestic Violence Help Hotline 1-800-799-7233. People who have been emotionally abused have an extremely difficult time building resiliency and they often apologize for everything. If you spot someone who is unsure of themselves and apologizes for everything be patient with them and offer to get them help. Emotional abuse is silent, but incredibly damaging to the mind and the spirit and eventually can cause long term physical harm as well.

Improving Mental and Emotional Well Being During Covid 19

Coping with Heavy Emotions During Covid 

As humans we have an intrinsic need for connection and acceptance. Beyond our basic needs of food, water, and safety Maslow categorized belongingness and love as the third most important level on the hierarchy of needs. Covid has been a trying time for all of us with social isolation, home schooling in many cases- and moms doubling as “teachers”, working from home, and new ways of life. There has been a rise of depression and mental illness as well as an increase in violence. Before the outbreak of Corona Virus, in 2018 Cigna did a National survey that showed “ loneliness levels had reached an all time high, with nearly 20,000 U.S. adults reporting they sometimes or always feel alone.” Imagine what those numbers must be now. We, as a society, are suffering not only the physical effects of covid, but we will see long term impacts from mental and emotional instability as well. 

According to Meta-analysis co-author Julianne Holt-Lundstad, PHD, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at BrighamYoung University, “ Lack of social connection heightens health risks as much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day or heavy alcohol use disorder. She has also found loneliness and social isolation are twice as harmful to physical and mental health as obesity. ( Perspectives on Psychological Science, Vol 10, No. 2, 2015) On the plus side, there are things that we can do to help improve our mental and emotional well being. 

These are all great ways to cope with and reduce stress and regulate emotions as well as vision boards, journaling, and anything positive you find that works for you.

Six Ways to Improve Mental & Emotional Well Being

1. Take care of your emotional health * (see list of ways below)

2. Take Care of your Physical Health ( eat well, move often, sleep well, avoid caffeine and alcohol)

3. Connect with others: despite social isolation we can still stay connected via FaceTime, phone calls, video chats, zoom calls, and outdoor visits with social distancing

4. Take time to unwind, try new hobby and activities, and incorporate relaxation techniques like meditation or yoga

5. Avoid too much exposure to the news. Stay informed and educated without letting it become upsetting.

6. Seek help when needed from a coach, therapist, clergy member, doctor, or contact SAMHSA helpline 1-800-985-5990 ( Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration Disaster Distress Hotline)

We hear more about caring for our physical bodies, which is super important, but very few of us are taught how to process and regulate our emotions. We are taught how to think in school, but our emotions often get overlooked, and we are not taught how to feel or how to express our feelings constructively. So as a result we are seeing more depression, more suicide, higher rates of alcohol and drug abuse, more domestic violence and higher rates of gun violence. Beneath every behavior there is a feeling, and beneath every feeling, is an innate need. When we can identify that innate need we can find solutions and begin to heal rather than create more pain and destruction. 

Yoga taught me to truly find connection between my body, mind and soul. It was time in between each posture when I would feel my own body and tune into my inner child. I gained awareness on the mat that eventually followed me off the mat and into my daily life. Yoga is more than a physical practice for me. “Yoga is the journey of the self, through the self to the self,” -the Bhagavad Gita. For me it is the perfect way to improve both the physical, mental, and emotional well being all at the same time. I understand that not everyone chooses to practice yoga, so I am offering other alternatives to help improve mental and emotional well being in todays blog. 

Ways to improve Emotional Well Being

• Be aware of your emotions and reactions to them. Allow others to feel they way they feel by being an active listener free from judgement.

• Express your feelings constructively and try to observe free from judgement.

• Practice the pause, breathe, and then think before responding rather than reacting harshly.

• Manage your stress by practicing self care and prioritizing what needs to be done. Say no when necessary.

• Take care of your physical health by sleeping well, eating well, and moving your body.

• Stay connected with friends and family.

• Find and follow your purpose. Having a sense of purpose adds meaning to our lives and we are far less likely to numb out and far more likely to succeed. 

• Practice gratitude. Not everyday is good but there is something good in every day. 

You can meditate on the floor, in a chair, sitting up, or laying down. Just begin by sitting comfortably, closing your eyes and connecting with your breath. Breathing in through your nose and out through your nose. Begin to let go of all the busy thoughts of the day and week. If any thoughts pop into mind, it’s ok acknowledge them and set them aside for later, return your concentration back to your breath. Relax your shoulders. feel your breath begin to naturally slow. It may take practice like all things in life, but it is worth it. There are many types of meditation, so do some research and find the style that resonates with you. ( Image is Libby’s corporate class in Pittsburg, Pa.)

Great Britain and Australia are both being incredibly proactive and deserve a round of applause for the work they are doing to move the mental health system away from being crisis driven and actively toward prevention, early intervention and care in the community. I have become Instagram friends with wonderful people all over the world, another great way to connect, and it is truly inspiring to hear about the global movement to improve mental well-being! I was especially impressed with and would like to offer a shout out to my friends at euda.co for their work in Corporate Wellbeing. They offer a platform unlike anything I have seen before where they offer employees access to free online guided meditations as well as access to a personal wellness consulting. There are also guided meditation apps like Headspace, Insight Timer, and Calm that are available to the general public. Deepak Chopra, in his book Perfect Health says,  with just a few minutes of meditation a day, “There were 87% fewer admissions to hospitals for heart disease were seen and 55% fewer admissions for benign and malignant tumors of all types. No one has seen reductions like this with use of conventional prevention techniques.” So get connected on social media, as well as locally, broaden your mindset, try meditation, and work to prioritize your mental and emotional well being. 

Finally I will offer my personal philosophy to you that I developed through my yoga practice which is awareness, acceptance, and forgiveness first of ourselves and then of others. When we live in this way we surrender control and remember that when we live in alignment with our authentic life everything will just feel right. The stress will naturally fade away because you will care less about the opinions of others and more about what feels right in your body, mind, and soul. You will begin to let go of those who no longer serve you and you will attract those who support your highest well being. I hope this awakens, inspires, and empowers you to live the life you love. You were born to be joyful and you have a unique gift to share with this world. Let no one dim your light, even in these dark trying times. 

Peace, Light, & Love,

Libby

Set an Intention and Create the Life You Love

Whisper your Intention to the Universe

Living an intentional life means living a mindful life. It means putting thought into each decision each day to create your own reality. It means being present and is a great reminder to truly show up and live rather than to continue on “auto pilot”. In Yoga, I often encourage my clients to set an intention at the beginning of their practice. We take a few breaths in silence and each set our own personal intention. Well, in life, if we were to wake each morning and set our intention for the day we would be whispering a powerful message to the universe of what we desire. An intention is energy. And by setting the intention we raise our universal vibration. Intentions are different than goals because goals are long term and intentions are set each day. However, intentions help us stay focused and achieve our goals. 

Five Steps to Setting Powerful Daily Intentions:

1. Get crystal clear about your desires. Envision yourself already there. Focus on what you want. What you focus on you will attract. ( The Law of Attraction)

2. Let go of all limiting thoughts and dream really big, you deserve this.

3. Forget about the opinions of others and just start now with what you have.

4. Practice daily journaling, vision boards, mantras, and “I statements” to help re-enforce your intentions

5. Practice gratitude for what you currently have while detaching from the outcome of what you desire. Live in the wisdom of uncertainty. 

Libby in South Haven Michigan 2020

Think about what is holding you back. Most of the time it is fear that holds us back and yet we have nothing to fear but fear itself. Our fight or flight response was designed to keep us safe back in the hunting and gathering days when we needed the flight response to trigger the adrenaline to allow us to run fast to escape danger. Now, sadly, the fight or flight response often distorts thoughts in our mind. Have the courage to pursue your dreams. If you do not go after them you will never achieve them. If you do not ask, the answer will always be no. If you fall, get back up. If you make mistakes along the way it is ok! Think of how a toddler learns to walk. It is all part of the learning process. So take some chances. Stay vulnerable and live the life you love. 

We each have a unique story and unique gifts to share with the world. Do not be afraid to stand out. Live your own authentic life. People love to shell out advice and very few practice what they preach. Stay quiet about the pursuit of your goals and then shock them with the end results. When we live in alignment with our authentic life everything will just feel right. The stress will naturally fade away because you will care less about the opinions of others and more about what feels right in your body, mind, and spirit. You will begin to let go of those who no longer serve you and you will attract those who support your highest well being. The Universe will hear your whispers and will deliver your desires. Stay committed. Do the work. Believe in yourself and all that is coming.

Light and Love,

Libby

Finding Peace in Times of Crisis

Finding Comfort in Times of Crisis

In light of the recent COVID-19 crisis I thought we could all use some comfort and positivity. We all need to stop over reacting and remain calm and focussed. This pandemic is indeed a big deal to be taken seriously, however, if we all stay smart and logical it will pass and life will continue. Hoarding sanitizer and toilet paper is a sure sign of fear and panic. The unknown is always scary, but we have got this! Our focus on mental health and well being is more important now than ever.

Yes, the economy is taking a huge hit, our children are being kept home from school, and there is a shortage of supplies. I do not want to minimize what is happening. It is super important to keep it all in perspective though. I would like to remind us all, including myself, to be grateful for all the positives. Despite your political affiliation it is important to trust that our government officials are doing the best they can, with the knowledge they have, to keep us safe. Have they made mistakes? YES! But, the truth is they are human and they too are susceptible to the virus. 

The Law of Attraction

I deeply believe in the law of attraction. In this case, if you look for negative stories and drama that is the energy you will attract. I would encourage us all to stay informed but not constantly obsessed with the news and social media. As we take our energy and time back it will allow for more positivity and creative flow. 

This is a time to come together as a community. Although social distancing is being highly encouraged we can still unite and stay connected. It is important to look out for one another both mentally and physically, Skype and FaceTime, and call. Each of us will make sacrifices, but just as charcoal under tremendous pressure becomes a diamond, we too will learn lessons and become better people as we rise to this challenge.

Adopt a New Perspective

Events are being cancelled, schools cancelled, heck even March Madness is cancelled. But despite how it feels, it is not the end of the world. Adopt a new perspective, or mindset, and embrace the time we will likely spend at home. The kids and I had a much needed trip to California planned for next week, but with Morgans health condition making her high risk, it was important to prioritize our health and cancel. We should all look at this new found time at home as an opportunity. It is sort of like an unplanned “staycation”. I do feel your pain and frustration if you are trying to cancel or postpone a vacation. Take advantage of the time we have been given back and embrace it. I have adequate groceries to last a couple weeks and my kids, Morgan & Corwin, and I plan to make and eat delicious foods, play games, hike, and laugh as much as possible. Each situation in life will be what we make it. Dwell on the good more than the bad. 

Meanwhile, I encourage all of us to say a prayer, or send good vibes, to all those who are ill for quick healing, to those who have lost a loved one, to our doctors and nurses who are about to enter the most exhausting period of their career, for our government and business leaders who are making difficult decisions and in some cases massive changes, and to all the parents who are scrambling to make arrangements for homebound kids. Also, be courteous and non-selfish if you feel sick please stay home. If you have extra supplies please consider sharing. We are all in this together.

Nature is not only a great escape from chaos, but also grounds us and relieves stress.

Love, Compassion, & Patience

May we all embrace this situation as it unfolds with love, laughter, and compassion accepting each emotion as it rises to the surface. Anger and dismay will not serve our greater good and will again only attract like energy. When you feel stress and anxiety creeping in return to the comfort of your breath. Taking deep inhales through your nose and deep exhales through your nose calms the parasympathetic nervous system and relieves stress. This is the time to eat well but also enjoy comfort foods, get outside and breathe in fresh air as often as possible and exercise which reduces stress and strengthens our immune system. Remember to keep fear in check, practice patience, and try seeing things in a different perspective. There is so much to be grateful for even in hard times. Be prepared but not panicked. When we have our health we have all we need and therefor the sacrifices are worth it. This too shall pass. Stay strong. Let’s turn panic into patience and fear into facts.

Sending you all love and healing,

Libby

P. S. Due to the unprecedented situation unfolding, I would like to offer you all a one hour complimentary call with me to work on stress reduction. To schedule a call please click this link  https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18086983. If you have any trouble scheduling you can also email me at libby@journeytothelifeyoulove.com You are never alone.

How to Resolve Conflict

In Conflict Remember Each Person is Human

When we experience conflict our ego inflates as a protection mechanism. The ego wants us to be “right” or win the argument. However how can both people ultimately win? It is important to practice the pause when conflict arises. When we are faced with conflict our fight or flight response is triggered and we often say and do things we do not mean because the brain is not functioning logically. After much conflict in my own life and personally shifting to a better place I would like to share my conflict resolution plan with you. 

Conflict causes stress and anxiety which lead to illness and days off work. Conflicts are inevitable in life, but use these tools to help deflate each conflict you come across. Life is about giving and taking and finding balance. Stand up for yourself and set boundaries, but also consider the other persons concerns. Be sure you listen and know that you do not have to solve every problem. Sometimes people just need to be heard.

1. Realize that both people have fears and vulnerabilities

2. Ask yourself if what you are arguing about will matter five years from now

3. Consider taking a time out that is positively expressed so that you can both gather your thoughts

4. Be aware of your tone and body language

5. Choose your battles wisely

6. Eliminate the words ALWAYS and NEVER from your vocabulary

Realize You Both Have Fears and Vulnerabilities

When you are in a conflict but can see yourself in the other person it makes it difficult to be harsh or mean. Determine if your relationship is worth upsetting that person for. Remember, when you argue, the goal you wish to achieve. I know when my boyfriend and I argue it often is not a productive conversation but rather a lot of blaming and projecting. Once we gained awareness of this, we often pause now and reflect about what it is we actually want to achieve. Then it is easier to speak more gently and resolve the conflict.

Ask Yourself if What You are Arguing About Will Matter in Five Years

If it won’t matter in five years do not spend even five minutes arguing about it. Learning to let go and move forward is a blessing. If it is something important that will matter in five years then take the time to compose your thoughts and be sure to separate emotion from thought.

Consider Taking A Time Out

Telling the person you are in conflict with that you need a time out allows both people to calm down. Walking away and giving the silent treatment with out expressing the need for a time out leaves the other person feeling stonewalled or abandoned which leads to increased anxiety. Consider composing your thoughts in letter format and reading it several times before exchanging the letter. Often when we write our thoughts down they become more clear. And remember, say what you mean and mean what you say. Words can be forgiven but rarely are they forgotten.

Be Aware of Your Tone and Body Language

When we speak softly and avoid yelling we can ease anxiety for both people. We are naturally more capable of listening when we are not being yelled at. You do not need to raise your voice to convey your concerns in fact it is always better not to. When we do not feel heard it is natural for the voice to elevate. Let the person know that you hear them even if you do not agree or understand. Closed fists and crossed arms tend to signal being closed minded. Put the person at ease by relaxing your arms, shoulders and hands.

Choose Your Battles Wisely

This was sage advice my mom often said when I was growing up. I use it a-lot as a parent now as well. When something is very important that may be something worth fighting for set and keep your boundaries. For example; when raising my children I would put them in time out when they were disrespectful. Teaching them respect was very important to me. If my children broke something we would talk about being more careful but I did not put them in time out because that was a mistake and mistakes are how we learn.

Eliminate the Words ALWAYS and NEVER

Those of you who know me know that I am a firm believer in moderation. The words always and never are not only extreme, but they are downright impossible. In conflict these two words are used far too often. Eliminate them from your vocabulary and watch the tension decrease in conflict. Also, try to use “I statements” and this will reduce the feelings of blame and shame.

Peace, Light, & Love,

Libby

P.S. Please email me at Libby@journeytothelifeyoulove.com for Life & Wellness Coaching. Sessions can be done by video conference, in person or via telephone. For more information on why a coach will help you please click this link http://www.journeytothelifeyoulove.com

How to get Motivated by Positive Influencers

There are many different ways to become motivated and inspired and yet many of us stay stuck and are hopeless.

I recently attended Bunbury Music Festival in Cincinnati, Ohio. I knew of several musicians I wanted to hear and also discovered some new bands. One in particular stood out to me. Her name was Lauren Sanderson. Her music is catchy, but her lyrics are incredibly inspiring. She talks and sings openly about overcoming anxiety which so many of us can relate to. Lauren offered to meet her fans next to the stage after the concert. I can say after spending just a few minutes with her ( and yes I was one of the oldest fans lol) she is absolutely so beautiful inside and out. One of the things that makes Lauren so inspiring is her authenticity.

Lauren laughed when I asked her to try a yoga pose with me. So much fun to connect with like minded people!

Why do we look to influencers on social media?
We look to those with huge followings because they know their purpose and they know how to connect with us and energize us! Lauren Sanderson knew her purpose at a young age despite overcoming huge challenges like telling her family she is gay. Soon after high school graduation, and after sharing you tube videos, she began speaking. She received countless letters from desperate teens thanking her for sharing her story. She gave an amazing TEDx Talk, titled, For God’s Sake Just Love Them, where she inspired parents to tell their kids they love them, they are proud of them, and to validate their kids. She went on to say, if you have messed up its ok. It is ok to tell them NOW. Did you receive this kind of family support growing up? Fortunately, I did, but most people I talk to did not. I was struggling in my marriage and my ex finally shared with me that his parents had never told him they were proud of him and up until his college graduation he did not recall them telling him they loved him. I have similar stories with many other friends and I can tell you it affects our relationships vastly. Lauren went on to spread her positive messages through music in order to make a bigger impact.

Accept What’s in Your Past but Focus on the Future and Where You Want to Go.

No matter how you were raised take your life in your own hands. We all have a certain level of anxiety and we all have bad days. It’s ok to be confused, lost and down, just don’t stay there. You do not have to settle for a job, you do not have to tolerate being talked to negatively, and you are never alone. Allow yourself to feel every emotion that arises and then sit with it. See if you can observe how you can improve that feeling. Listen to inspiring lyrics or watch a You Tube video by a positive influencer, like Jay Shetty. Most of all have the courage to be YOU. Live authentically and if you do not feel accepted keep looking for your tribe. There are many kind, accepting, compassionate people to connect with. If you feel lost or stuck try looking at the situation from a different perspective. If you do not know your purpose just try to do things you love and are passionate about and consider trying new things and meeting new people. 

I can tell you that at 43 years old I have had times in my life where I felt lost and even trapped. I wanted to give up, but deep down I always had hope that better days were coming. My very greatest desire and my fear were interwoven. I wanted to find true love, you know, the kind you see in movies. But I feared losing that person and being alone. I married young and enjoyed many years with my ex and we created two beautiful children, but I always knew he was not my one, my person. I had to let go of my fear of being alone to achieve my dream of true love. It is not an easy garden to till and no one is perfect. You have to constantly pull the weeds, fertilize and nourish the garden of love. But, I can tell you without any doubts or regrets the love that I have in my life now is most beautiful and worth every bit of effort and vulnerability. I finally feel accepted and understood. So, while I do not advocate divorce or running away from any commitment, I do believe we all deserve to be accepted, heard, understood, and loved. 

Your life partner should always have your back and you will shine with that person.

”Happiness is not a Destination, It Comes & Goes” ~ Lyrics from Lauren Sanderson’s, Oceans

So observe the voice in your head and question the self talk. Ask yourself who you are. I am not Libby Shively McAvoy, thats just my name. I am not just a mom, a daughter, or a sister. I am not just a yoga instructor. I am a courageous, inspired woman, I am enough, I am still growing, I am healthy, I am love. I would urge you to reach out to me. Get a piece of paper and write me about whats going on in your life. Let’s connect. Direct message me on fb or instagram. I am not here to give advice. I want to listen and I want you to know you are being heard. You deserve to be happy.

Dream Really Really Big,

Libby

P.S. If you enjoyed this blog please click the heart and share it with friends and family. I sincerely hope to hear from every single one of you either in snail mail or direct message. You can also comment below. I will be announcing stress less workshops soon so please stay tuned.

How to Show Up on Difficult Days

Lets Face it We all Have Bad Days

Some days you wake up and things just seem to go down hill and you want a re do. Sometimes it is the stories we tell ourselves and the lies we make up and sometimes it has to do with external problems or health issues. However, all we can do is move forward and make the best of it knowing we get another chance tomorrow. Sometimes, it is best to take a day off, but the problem is often we get caught in the victim mentality and wallow in our grief or frustration. I personally try to wake with thoughts of gratitude, but even then, after having my coffee and interacting with others, sometimes the day seems to unravel in a downward spiral. What I have learned is The Law Of Attraction is powerful. Ok, so what I mean by that is that when you choose to change your mindset to one of positivity you will attract positive outcomes. It is not easy my friends, but it is possible.

This works with both positivity and negativity.

Just two days ago I woke feeling like it was going to be an incredibly productive positive day. Oh yes, you know whats coming….BOOM. An hour later everything was going wrong. How could this be when I was in a positive mindset? The answer is sometimes we are tested. My contact page on my website was not working, and because I care deeply about you all, I was frustrated that I may have missed your attempts to reach out to me. I am not great on the tech side of computers so it took me most of the day and I still did not solve the problem. I did what I know to do and “let it go” for the day. The next morning I got up and sat at my computer and everything fell perfectly into place. I got frustrated but I was able to maintain a positive mindset. So what ever is causing you to feel out of alignment accept it and observe it. Find your resiliency.

How Do We Show Up on Difficult Days

There are days when we think we simply cannot go on. We want to hide or isolate ourselves. The best thing we can truly do is continue to face those challenges with courage. In yoga teacher training my guru, Amber Gean, taught me that there will be days when you do not have love or inspiration to give, but you have to leave your baggage at the door, show up, and its ok to say very little on those days. Amber, and yoga teacher training, taught me many life lessons, but that was perhaps the single best piece of advice that I can share. Simply show up and know better days are coming. As my own mom used to say, “this too shall pass.” 

So face your fears, face those god awful days, and know that it is all temporary. Have faith that better days are on the horizon. Your natural state is one of joy. So let the difficult emotions flow through you, but allow yourself to return to joy. We do not always have control over what happens, but we do have control over what we say, how we respond, and the choice of our mindset. So choose to face difficulties with grace. 

Tools to Get Through Hard Times

• Get on your yoga mat-yoga classes are extremely accepting places where you can feel calm, safe, and secure. You become grounded and your sense of fight or flight is diminished.

• Practice the Pause-When you find yourself breathing faster and getting worked up take a few deep breaths and pause before you respond. 

• Exercise-take a walk, hit the gym, find what movement allows you to relax and take your mind off what is troubling you.

• Show up-remember, it is ok to say very little. Just do what you have to do and push through.

• Reward yourself for being corageous-at the end of difficult days reward yourself with a healthy delicious meal, watch a movie, or take a bath.

• Believe-always believe that things are happening for a reason. Not everyday will be good, but there is something good in every day. Believe in yourself and know that this too shall pass.

• Seek Support-depending on each situtaion different support may be necessary. We are social creatures. Sometimes friends and family are enough, sometimes we need the help of a life coach or psychiatrist. Evaluate the level of difficulty and know there is help available. Sometimes we simply need to be heard, sometimes we need validation, and sometimes we just need a little advice. Ultimately the answers we seek are already within, but talking things through can create a new awareness. 

• Surrender-we do not have to understand everything. Sometimes we just need to surrender to what is.

Mindfully Yours,

Libby

P. S. I want to leave you with an invitation to join my mailing list for upcoming newsletters and events by clicking the link to my contact page. Please accept my apology if I missed you while my website was not properly connected and reach out again. Comment below and share with us how YOU get through hard days. Coming together as a community we offer each other great advice and inspiration and through that we all gain awareness.

How and Why Yoga Reduces Stress

There is growing evidence that yoga is a science.

We all experience stress and anxiety. For some of us it is temporary and for others it is long term or chronic. Eddie Stern has studied yoga and the science behind it. In his new book, One Simple Thing- A New Look at the Science of Yoga and How it can Transform Your Life, he offers a comprehensive explanation of why yoga is a science based on movement and breath. Stern says, “By doing a regular practice, we begin to create an underlying mental trait of awareness, which is more dependable and more open than the changing states. Through our practice we develop a trait of awareness that is calm, has perspective, and can help us pause so that we do not get swept away by overwhelming emotions.”

How Yoga Decreases Stress:

• Creates connection ( the Sanskrit term yoga means union)

• Increases awareness

• Creates acceptance of our selves & others

• Gives a feeling of lightness

• Slows and deepens our breath
  

Knowing how to calm our nervous system when in the fight or flight respense is essention for living the life we love.

 I often share with my yoga students that the awareness starts on the mat and then carries into every aspect of life. It is truly magical. In yoga we often use what is called Ujai Breath, which is deep inhales through the nose and deep exhales through the nose and we then move the body with the breath. When we get anxious our breath becomes shallow. Practice the pause and allow your “yoga breath” (Ujai) redirect your thoughts. By slowing the breath and returning to deep inhales through the nose and deep exhales through the nose we literally slow our heartrate and calm ourselves down. The body breathes shallowly when anxious because our nervous system is literally preparing us to fight or run away.

Understanding Yoga and Why it Reduces Stress

Yoga is more than a physical practice on the mat. The asanas, or physical postures, are great for increasing stability and balance, increasing flexability and increasing strength. The philosophy, as detailed in the 8 Limbs of Yoga, teaches us ethical guidelines. Yoga breathing connects the body and mind through movement. 

Our nervous and immune systems become resilient and balanced through our yoga practice. Each posture can be modified to fit your ability or skill levels. Some postures are as simple as standing in equal balance rooting into the earth while growing tall toward the sky. Other poses are more challenging. There is no competition in fact, as you progress with a regular practice you tune out the external world and focus on your movement and breath. Sometimes I even stop hearing the music that is playing! Yoga can even be practiced in a chair. But, if you experience a lot of stress or anxiety I cannot urge you enough to make time and inetegrate yoga into your life. If you can manage to practice first thing in the morning you start your day with positivity and that momentum can build throughout the day allowing you to manifest your goals and dreams. 

I described my first yoga class as feeling as if I had just received a relaxing massage but also muscles shaking in places I didn’t know existsted. I have since heard this feeling referred to as “the yoga high”. You will feel the effects after your first practice but the more disciplined and regularly you practice the more you will feel the benefits on body, mind, and spirit.

With Support,

Libby

P.S. Stress certainly takes its toll on us but chronic stress causes many serious illnesses. Please take a moment, if you have not already, to read my last blog titled Stress Effects and how to Mindfully Cope. I look forward to working one on one with anyone who feels overwhelmed and would like an ally to improve life.

Stress Effects and How to Mindfully Cope

How Stress Impacts Our Lives And How To Grow in Awareness to Prevent Major Illness

Stress is the cause of 90% of our doctors visits. I was blown away by this statistic. Let’s face it we cannot avoid stress in life, but what we can do is create awareness of what triggers us, learn to practice the pause before responding, and use coping techniques to calm ourselves down. There are two types of stress; good and bad. Good stress is called eustress and is responsible for the butterflies we feel in a new relationship, as well as the stress we feel to finish something on time. A “bad” stress, however, is far more common and if we do not learn how to cope with it, it can cause major health problems.

My very own daughter featured here studying for finals Freshman year at U.K. She is on a pre vet track and academics are extremely stressful, in addition to all the other changes college students face. The best thing we can do to help them is let them know we are there for them even from a distance and to teach them coping skills to help them achieve their dreams.

Common Causes of Stress: 

• Being bullied

• Overworking

• Losing a job

• Marriage/ relationship problems

• Recent break up or divorce

• Difficulty in school

• Family struggles

• Overloaded schedule

• Moving

• Financial struggles

When stress causes emotional harm over a prolonged period we refer to it as chronic stress. Chronic stress causes a spike in blood pressure along with many other serious health conditions. 

Physical Symptoms Manifested by Stress:

• Headaches * the number one cause of all headaches is stress or tension

• Fatigue

• Trouble sleeping

• Muscular pain

• Asthma

• Digestive issues

• Change in sex drive

• Raised blood pressure

• Overeating/obesity

When you read these lists notice if you relate. We are beautifully designed to grow and heal ourselves. Every decision we make can lead to health problems OR can lead us to a state of wellness. It is not a linear journey that we are on. Some days may be healthier than others, and thats OK. The key to mastering our health is to grow our awareness. Be aware of signs that your body is overtaxed. If you experience panic attacks, depression or anxiety, or find yourself numbing out (binge watching Netflix, over drinking, smoking), it’s important to learn how to manage your stress before your stress hormones inflict more damage. The body and mind are so interconnected that a simple shift in perception can alleviate your stress. We can use The Law of Attraction and know that if we think positively our bodies will produce positive outcomes. 

Often we turn to alcohol, overeating, and other harmful behaviors to numb the stress, but it is important to pull the bandaid off so to speak and find and treat the underlying causes of stress.

Tools to Help You Reduce Stress:

• Exercise

• Breathing techniques

• Healthy eating

• Getting enough sleep

• Social support

• Working with a Wellness Coach or Therapist

• Yoga

• Meditation

A professional Wellness Coach can help you tremendously in reducing stress and also help you achieve your goals and dreams. The old saying, “easier said than done” is so very true. Change is not easy, but its worth it. YOU, my friends, are worth it. Many of our health problems are not only preventable, they are also reversible. So rather than popping pills, which only mask the underlying causes of illness, let’s fix the root causes of our stress. As a wellness coach I can help you look at what is working and what is not working for you, examine your personal strengths and weaknesses, and together we will create an action plan to overcome the obstacles that cause stress and anxiety so that you can live the happy and healthy life that you so deserve. Getting started is easy. We can meet in person or simply have a telephone or Skype meeting once a month. Message me when you are ready to get started, but do not wait. Now is the time. You will thank yourself six months down the road when you are living a better life.

Stress Less, Enjoy More,

Libby

P.S.  Thank you for your patience while I was away. I have spent the time on both self improvement and continued education. I hope you will utilize the skills that I have to offer. If you have any questions please do not hesitate to reach out through the contact form on my site ( or just click the green link). I look forward to providing you with regular weekly blogs.

Dream Big & Always Believe

The Power of Your Dream

Most of us gave up on believing in fairy tale endings and in our dreams coming true at a very young age. You may have been told by a parent or teacher to “get your head out of the clouds.” Instead of dreaming big, we walk around in a “sleep walk” like trance repeating the same tasks day after day. WE are a society who in general lives for the weekends, but if we are doing what we love each day would be joyful. 

Be Fearless in the Pursuit of Your Dreams

With persistence, patience, and a positive attitude your dreams can come true. Your dream may sound crazy to others and boy will they tell you, but once you get behind your ideas whole heartedly the universe will conspire to make it happen. Believe in the power of your dream because it is the essence of who you are. We were each born with a unique purpose. If you do not yet know your purpose that is ok. Pursue your passions. It is difficult to not be effected by the thoughts and opinions of others, but be courageous anyway. They will all come around when they see your commitment and dedication.

Tis the Season to Believe

Most of us believed in Santa at some point in our lives. Although it is a strange tradition, it created the magic of Christmas. We put cookies and milk out and some of us even fed the reindeer. We teach our children not to lie but carry on this tradition because the power of belief is incredibly important. Your life can be just as magical as Christmas to a young child. Dream really really big and BELIEVE! Let no one dull your spirit. If you do not like the direction your life is going re invent yourself. You are the author and architect of your life. Write a new chapter, add or delete characters and design the life you love every damn day! Allow this season to remind you in the power of belief paired with positive mindset and determination. Not every day will be great, but there is something good in everyday.

The new year is quickly approaching but do not wait to start making the improvements you desire. Let your new years resolutions begin now with simple intentions to improve life. Consider starting a journal. Write daily and weekly goals that are achievable. Set yourself up to succeed. 

Believe in yourself. Believe in your dreams. Believe in the good of humanity. Believe in the power of the UNIVERSE. Allow yourself to follow your passion. Day dream from time to time. Shift your mindset and create healthy habits. All things are possible when you believe. 

Passionately,

Libby

P.S. Wishing you all a warm, peaceful, and joyous holiday season. Thank you for being a part of this community and taking the time to read this blog. Please scroll down under the tags and click the heart if you enjoyed this and comment to tell us what YOU dream about!

How to Eat Mindfully During the Holidays to Combat Stress

Overeating and Holiday Stress

Although the holidays are jolly they can also be a major source of stress. People worry about their jobs, finances, and relationships and to add insult to injury we lack enough sleep and over extend ourselves socially. There are candy bowls tempting us on office desks and cookies galore. We naturally comfort ourselves with rich sweet foods, but in reality it causes us even more stress by adding guilt to the picture. The good news is there are certain foods that combat stress.

Do not allow the foods you eat to negatively affect your moods.

Foods that Combat Stress:

1. Almonds: Almonds are full of B and E vitamins which protect our immune system and boost our mood. They also posses 20% of our daily magnesium needs. Lack of magnesium can cause migraines and fatigue. I like to keep a small bag in my purse and snack on them throughout the day or before attending a party.

2. Sweet Potatoes: Sweet potatoes are high in B6 and magnesium and are also an anti inflammatory. Oven baked sweet potatoes are incredibly comforting and a delicious alternative to deep fried French fries. Baked and roasted sweet potatoes are also healthy and easy. If you are looking for something different to sooth all of your senses try my Thai Peanut Sweet Potato Soup (simply click the words in green to see recipe).

3. Lentils: Lentils are packed with depression fighting folate which helps make serotonin and dopamine. 

4. Dark Chocolate: Dark chocolate, in small doses, is the highest level food for magnesium. It is also linked to improved cognitive behavior which increases memory and awareness. Instead of reaching for the cheesecake (roughly 1400 calories per slice, reach for a small square of dark chocolate for 164 calories)

Increasing Mindful Eating Practices

Through awareness we can avoid sabotaging ourselves by overeating. Below are several tips to help increase mindful eating and decrease holiday stress.

• Sit down when you eat. Chew your food.  Notice the flavors, colors and textures and enjoy each bite. Slow way down and notice your body- do your shoulders relax, is your stomach rumbling, notice what you taste.

• Only eat when you are hungry and stop when you are full. This seems easy and logical but we all overindulge from time to time. When you reach for a snack ask yourself how you feel. Are you stressed or frustrated and emotional eating or are you really hungry.

• Practice self compassion. We all slip from time to time, particularly during the holidays. Allow yourself to fully enjoy the food and experience and forgive yourself when you overindulge. Simply being aware will help you eat more healthfully next time. Consider starting a journal. Write down how you are feeling before you eat, write what you eat (be honest) and write how you feel after you eat. 

• Find an outlet for stress or a distraction when you reach for the peppermint bark or bag of chips. Instead try a brisk walk, yoga, or reading a book.

• Finally, set yourself up for success. Do not keep foods that are tempting to you at home. Before attending parties drink a bowl of broth based soup to give you a healthy foundation. And, drink plenty of water.

To combat stress be sure to get enough quality sleep each night, practice mindfulness throughout the day, but especially when eating. Practice self love and compassion by saying no to activities that overextend you. Treat yourself to a few minutes each day doing something you love whether its watching a tv show, taking a bath, meditating, doing a craft, or taking walk a few minutes to yourself is important. Without having our own cup filled and being self nurtured we run ourselves down having less to give others and risking getting sick.

Mindfully,

Libby

P.S. Please scroll down below the tags and click the heart if you found this blog helpful. Thank you so much for taking the time to read it and I wish you all joy and peace.