A Single's Guide to Holiday Survival

Whether you have been single a long time or recently suffered a break up the holidays can be a very difficult and even traumatic time. All the cheery music may make you turn your radio off for a bit even. I get it. But, I have a few tips that will help you make this holiday season better!  

1. Pick and choose which events you go to. In other words it is ok to decline invitations if you are not feeling up to being “on” or if you know it’s an event your ex is likely to attend. However, try not to isolate and go completely into a turtle shell.  

2. Choose a few new traditions this year. Allow yourself to do something for yourself that will give your holidays new meaning and give you a sense of purpose like volunteering at a soup kitchen or a toy drive! This will allow you to step away from your own grief and feel grateful for what you do have.  

3. Connect with nature. Even if you live somewhere cold please bundle up and get outside. Trust me on this- I don’t like cold weather, but the lesson nature teaches us is that everything is temporary. Appreciate the seasons, appreciate the holidays, find the spirit within you that is very much alive. Soon enough the next season will come.

4. Practice my yoga philosophy of awareness, acceptance and forgiveness. Be aware of how you are feeling, what you are eating and drinking, how you are sleeping, how you are speaking, and then accept how you are feeling. Find a song that makes you feel good. Turn it up loud and dance. Laugh, cry, whatever you need to do to set your spirit free! Then forgive your past and forgive yourself. Everything will be ok. Your future is bright. 

The holidays are a time time of celebration. That is hard to accept when you are going through a hard time. If this is your first year alone it may seem unbearable. Please, breathe. Try to find a friend or family member to spend the holiday with. Maybe go to a movie or watch a movie that can serve as a distraction. The first year is always the hardest.  

The key when going through changes in relationships is to also accept changes in celebrations of holidays. Be respectful of one another in attendance of parties ( possibly coordinate who will attend what). If you are close with your ex’s family give space during the break up and let them know you would like to maintain a relationship if possible after things settle down. If the breakup is new around the holidays it is fine to send an email explaining to friends and family that you are no longer together but you are not ready to talk about it yet. This way you can comfortably attend the parties without awkward conversations that may end in tears.  

I hope your holidays get back in back in full swing soon. May you be blessed with love, hope, peace, and cheer.  

Believe,

Libby

Ps... consider getting a pet for yourself. They will hold you accountable and provide unconditional love 😉 

Relationships 101

Are you searching for the love of your life or struggling to hold onto your marriage? The bottom line is that we all have basic needs. The bigger issue is how to interact in a supportive respectful way. After being in a few relationships myself and experiencing one particular tramatic experience, I think I have a good grasp on what works and what does not.  

First, find someone with whom you share common interests. Be sure you can be great friends before moving into a romantic relationship because the passion unfortunately usually does not last.  

Next, learn your partners love language. We all have certain innate needs that we desire our partner to fill. The five most common are quality time & conversation, sexual touch, gifts, acts of service, and words of affirmation. Learn what your partner needs and communicate in a way that honors their love language. 

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Keep your passion and sex life active! Many people overlook this, especially years into the relationship and with the hectic schedules that come with raising kids. Sex is more than pleasuring your partner. It is a way to connect and become one. Talk to each other, try new things and enjoy one another. No matter how long you have been together, always date your partner. Try to remember those first months and how much effort you made and then continue that at least occasionally! 

 Stay fit! Ladies and gentlemen take care of your bodies. It is important for health reasons and your partner wants you around for a long time. But let's face it... Many of us gain significant weight and let our bodies go when we know someone has committed to us. Don't do that!!! Yes, they may still love you, but the truth is that they will absolutely appreciate you taking care of your body and staying fit and active!  

Do things together. It is ok to have independence and occasionally do things on your own. Please do not get me wrong, but for the most part when you go to events together, or garden together, or whatever, you will form a tighter bond. So do things with each other and enjoy life together.  

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No bickering! No one likes to be around the couple who argues all the time. Compliment each other. Support each other's stories! Listen to one another. Laugh together. Life is short so enjoy it! 

Practice honesty and forgiveness simultaneously. No one is perfect. We all have an innate need to feel trusted and to trust. Loyalty is very important in a relationship. Always be honest with your partner, even if you know you have done something that may hurt that person. It is important to be honest and forthcoming. If your relationship is strong and your partner is forgiving and practices unconditional love, you will survive (within reason). Of course, you must also practice respect for your partner and never do anything in the relationship that could cause you to lose this special person. As long as you practice this, then honesty, trust and forgiveness are relatively easy.  

That sums it up. You do not need to spend a lot of money to enjoy quality time together. Go on a hike, have a picnic, lay under the stars, light some candles or just hold hands.  Let your partner know everyday in some way how much they mean to you. We are never guarenteed tomorrow so treasure today. Tell your partner how much you love him or her and then follow that with action! Life may be hard at times, but it's a little easier with a loving partner. Let's face it... All we really need is LOVE! 

Loving vibes, 

Libby