It is so important as a parent to build resilience and confidence in our children. So often, emotional stability gets overlooked and undervalued in parenting. Children will act out, have problems in school, and struggle to get along with peers if they have been emotionally or physically abused.
Children learn from adults both through what we say and what we do. As parents, if we are mindful of our own health and well-being and we are emotionally stable we naturally have a good foundation on which to raise our children. Our children need a strong support system in order to help them learn to process and express their emotions, be sure that they get adequate sleep and rest, learn to develop problem solving skills, and help them find their own natural skills and talents. All of these things will help our children build resilience as well as confidence so that they grow up to be responsible individuals.
We all get frustrated and lose patience with our children from time to time, but I beg you not to take it out on them. Words can be forgiven, but they are rarely forgotten. If you are in a negative place ask for help before you snap. Practice self-care so that you have the energy care for others. And finally, if you see another parent struggling offer to help if and when you can. It truly takes a village, and we are all in this together. The long term affects of childhood abuse and trauma are far reaching and include but are not limited to low self-esteem, intimacy issues, anxiety, eating disorders, addiction, learning disabilities, and depression. Childhood abuse includes verbal abuse, emotional, physical, sexual, and neglect.
Common Red Flags of Childhood Abuse
Unexplained injuries
Inappropriate sexual behavior or knowledge for their age
Depression
Missing school too often
Poor hygiene
Discipline problems
Also look for disturbing behavior from the child’s parents. This may be verbal abuse or even lack of concern for the child’s general well-being. Never hesitate to contact school officials or 241-kids if you feel a child is truly being mis-treated. No one EVER deserves to be abused or mistreated.
Be gentle and encouraging with your children. Know that in certain developmental stages it is completely normal for them to test the limits with you and push back or resist and it is our job as parents to remain calm and collected. It is o.k. to take a time out when necessary, but not o.k. to put children down or make them feel like there is something they cannot achieve. Life is hard enough. They need to know they have our love and support.
With Kindness,
Libby
P.S. I recently took custody of my second son who is 14. He was in a verbally abusive house. His mother made the ultimate sacrifice in order to be sure he could thrive and that was to give up custody of her son because his step dad was abusive. If you or anyone you know is abusive toward a child please stand up for that child and do what is right for the child. Thank you. This is near and dear to my heart.